Walking through faith through extreme trials means learning how to carry physical weakness while clinging to spiritual truth. This journal entry reflects a few days in September 2022, capturing the tension between pain, exhaustion, family life, and trusting God in the middle of it all.
This update is from September 4-6, 2022
September 4
6:00 woken by Joe mumbling something then he decided to start rubbing my back. Whole body throbbing like I’ve over exercised or something (probably did yday pulling weeds). Irritated because I didn’t want to wake up this early. Bad headache. Thirsty. Rt hip sharp stabbing pain. Left shoulder throbbing. Corner of left eye feels like broken glass stuck in it, but there’s nothing there. Center of chest throbbing as though I pulled some muscles. Hands and wrists are swollen and throbbing.
2 Timothy 1:13-14; Ezekiel 24-27; Colossians 2:8
Morning meds/vitamins taken. Moringa Leaf powder taken in glass of juice.
10:30 got extremely sleepy all of a sudden. Trouble keeping my eyes open.
Throat feels a bit swollen, but more like there’s something stuck in it.
Excited to see Jordon here to help with church ministry with our family. I sure do miss him, but know he’s where God needs him.
Had trouble with playing the piano this morning. My left hand didn’t want to cooperate with my brain and right hand. Frustrating, but I pushed through.
Lunch took longer to cook than intended. Ended up putting meat in air fryer after cooking fries. My taste buds are so off that the greens tasted like bananas. Jordon jokingly told me not to eat them because I’m allergic. Lol.
My throat now feels more swollen on left side than before. Funny how the brain associates things and reacts as such.
Wore out after lunch. Need a nap then have projects to work on. Slept longer than initially anticipated. Apparently, I was more tired than I thought. Guess I need to rest.
Worked on project board for Tuesday. Joe helped me pick out the pictures. Dezirae helped me attach them once in place.
My right eye has been twitching periodically throughout the day. It’s annoying.
Throat definitely swollen. Checked inside mouth for spots on back of throat. There are no white spots. I tried swallowing one of my larger vitamins, but it got temporarily stuck in my throat going down. Had to cough hard and drink water for it to go down.
It’s been a good day. Sundays wear me out, but I enjoy serving the Lord (most days that is). I’m working hard on changing my perspective on a few things and trying to pass that down to my daughter. She is so much like me it’s scary sometimes then other times she makes me so proud. I’m proud of all my children.
Headache. Throat hurting. Slight runny nose. Hands and wrists swollen and throbbing. Low back throbbing intensely. Legs ache. Feet throbbing and cold. Exhausted and tired
Thankful for…
- Being able to see Jordon today
- Able to go to church and serve the Lord
September 5
7:00 woke to use restroom. Throat doesn’t hurt as bad. Headache. Arms and hands numbish and tingling. Feeling hot. Still exhausted and tired.
8:30 fell asleep for little while longer. Whole body stiff and throbbing. Headache. Arms and hands tingling & stinging. Feeling hot. Temp 98.6.
Matthew 28:19-20; Ezekiel 28-31; Ephesians 1:19-21
Made fresh veggie juice. Throat starting to feel swollen. Wondering if I’ve developed a sensitivity to one of the veggies? Not feeling too well.
Run errand with family. Lowe’s to pick out flooring for the mission house. Field & Stream to check on hunting license for Joe. Don’t have enough right now. Pit stop at BK. Met an elderly deaf man. I’m a bit rusty in my sign language, but I did fairly well. The man got excited when I started signing. He’s partially hearing as long as he has a hearing aid in his ear.
Late lunch at parents house. Enjoyed the fellowship with everyone. Wore me out. Still need to run couple more errands before tomorrow. I’m exhausted so need to lay down for a little to recharge. Listen to the Key of David wholetones.
Printed out a different grocery list to help me with shopping for groceries. Dezirae drove me to store. Got gas in van in route. Dezirae helped me shop. Able to get through shopping quicker.
Throat feels like it’s swollen. Had Joe check it. He says it looks fine. Not sure why it feels this way. Thinking I may take a Benadryl tonight to see if it helps.
Getting ready for bed. Hands clumsy. Dropped my phone and hit myself in the chin with corner of phone. Hope that doesn’t become a bruise. Ugh.
Thankful for… 1. Able to spend time with family 2. Have samples of flooring to check out for mission house 3. Unexpected blessings from the Lord – able to get a few more groceries for the week than initially anticipated. 4. Loving family even when I’m grumpy at times.
September 5
7:00 woke to use restroom. Throat doesn’t hurt as bad. Headache. Arms and hands numbish and tingling. Feeling hot. Still exhausted and tired.
8:30 fell asleep for little while longer. Whole body stiff and throbbing. Headache. Arms and hands tingling & stinging. Feeling hot. Temp 98.6.
Matthew 28:19-20; Ezekiel 28-31; Ephesians 1:19-21
Made fresh veggie juice. Throat starting to feel swollen. Wondering if I’ve developed a sensitivity to one of the veggies? Not feeling too well.
Run errand with family. Lowe’s to pick out flooring for the mission house. Field & Stream to check on hunting license for Joe. Don’t have enough right now. Pit stop at BK. Met an elderly deaf man. I’m a bit rusty in my sign language, but I did fairly well. The man got excited when I started signing. He’s partially hearing as long as he has a hearing aid in his ear.
Late lunch at parents house. Enjoyed the fellowship with everyone. Wore me out. Still need to run couple more errands before tomorrow. I’m exhausted so need to lay down for a little to recharge. Listen to the Key of David wholetones.
Printed out a different grocery list to help me with shopping for groceries. Dezirae drove me to store. Got gas in van in route. Dezirae helped me shop. Able to get through shopping quicker.
Throat feels like it’s swollen. Had Joe check it. He says it looks fine. Not sure why it feels this way. Thinking I may take a Benadryl tonight to see if it helps.
Getting ready for bed. Hands clumsy. Dropped my phone and hit myself in the chin with corner of phone. Hope that doesn’t become a bruise. Ugh.
Thankful for… 1. Able to spend time with family 2. Have samples of flooring to check out for mission house 3. Unexpected blessings from the Lord – able to get a few more groceries for the week than initially anticipated. 4. Loving family even when I’m grumpy at times.
September 6
5:00 woke at 1am and 5am due to severe pain in left shoulder and needing to use restroom. Decided since I couldn’t go back to sleep to start praying for my church family and needs of church.
Around 5:30, applied pain roller to left shoulder area. Not sure how much it helped, but able to find a position to take edge off of pain.
6:00 alarm went off.
John 14:23; Ezekiel 32-34; Proverbs 3:5-6
Up to see Dezirae off to school. Dinner in crockpot. Printed few more bulletins for the PCC ministerial recruitment MTG today. Praying God will provide at least one.
First thing there, a lady approached me with a big smile and asked if I was Mrs. Smith. I agreed and confirmed that she was Mrs. Moses. She exclaimed that she’s been praying for me and was wondering how I was doing. I told her it was nice to put a face to the name and proceeded to give her an update. Several of the Pastor’s we knew came to say hello and let us know they’ve been praying. They were all surprised to see me out and about. I guess I’m proving once again that I’m not like everyone else. If I can at all possible be serving by my husband’s side, I will be there. I got lots of stares. I suppose it was either trying to figure out why I had a turban on my head or what was I doing there in the first place. When some found out I had cancer, they would respond, “Ah that’s why you’re wearing the turban.”
12:30 received call from the pharmacy. Apparently, there’s still an insurance hiccup. I now have to call the insurance company to try to get things figured out. Yuck. I’ll rest a bit then call them.
3:30 Apparently, I was somehow added to Joe’s work insurance and Medicaid just found out about it. Can’t get things straightened out until Joe goes to work in the morning. Now I don’t even know if I’ll be able to get the chemo treatment on Friday. Frustrating. God’s got this!
4:43 next event flier for church created and posted on church’s Facebook page. I need to rest. I’m stressed out and exhausted.
8:44 I’m exhausted. Port area has been really hurting today. Ears periodically ringing for few minutes at a time throughout the day. Stress of insurance hiccup and Dezirae stressed out over homework stresses me out.
Dezirae has literally been working on homework since she got home except for taking about thirty minutes out for dinner. This amount of homework is insane. She still needs to read for literature and study for three tests tomorrow. I cannot push myself anymore. Told her to finish up and we’ll study in the morning.
My whole body throbbing. Nerves stinging immensely. Sinuses a little congested. Headache. Legs throbbing like I walked too too much. Cold, but feel hot like I have a fever. Temp 97.6. Irritated at teachers for assigning so much homework. Rt ear hurts. Port area hurts something fierce. Night vitamins taken. Took Rx pain for relief.
Thankful for… 1. Able to go with Joe today 2. Able to spend some time with Jordon 3. Able to talk with Jakob for a while today. Love my family. 4. For all those who told me that they were praying for me today.