Walking Through Faith in Hard Times
December 16-18, 2022
Walking through faith in hard times is challenging, especially while living with a traumatic brain injury, chronic illness, fatigue, and uncertainty. In these journal entries from December of 2022, I share my personal experiences of faith in hard times, trusting God through physical pain, recovery from TBI, family responsibilities, and daily life challenges.
Dec 16
Slept all night. Woke 15 minutes before alarm thinking I might have overslept.
Song: ♫ Jingle Bells ♫
.Nose stuffy. Thirsty. Lips chapped. Rt ear feels like it has water in it. Throat not scratchy but still feels a little swollen. Slight headache. Whole body achy.
Cancer update 12/16/2022 I went for post-op follow-up with my surgeon and oncologist today. During surgery, the doctor said she could not see any cancer, but the pathologist found cancer in the tissue that was removed. It wasn’t the news we were hoping for. Disheartening to put it mildly. It kind of felt like a punch in the gutt. Because the pathologist found cancer in the sentinel node dissection, I will have to go back in for a second surgery for an axillary dissection. Surgery is scheduled for December 29th.
Because the immune therapy is not working the way they want, they are changing my treatment. The new treatment will start at the beginning of the New Year. My blood work shows that my hemoglobin has come up a little, so I’m still mildly anemic. However, the B12 is working. My other numbers are still not in the normal range, but they are slowly improving as well.
The surgeon was not happy when I told her that I do not have peace about radiation treatment. I had a lot of information given to me again today. I have a bunch of homework to do in order to understand all the medical terms given today. It’s a bit overwhelming.
On a positive note, I was able to share the current devotional and scripture calendar with the nurses and patients in the chemo treatment area today. The Lord also gave me the opportunity to help comfort another patient who received overwhelming news in her life today.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
11:00 I’m freezing. Turned heater on. Skin itchy. Throat feels swollen. Skin on rt forearm itchy. Legs are itchy. Taking Benadryl. Applied cortisone cream & coconut oil with lavender and frankincense. Constipated. Slight headache.
Dec 17
6:45 not sure how long I’ve been awake. Rt forearm itchy. Used restroom. Rt shoulder throbbing.
Song: ♫ O Come, All Ye Faithful ♫
Scripture: Matthew 1:20-21; Colossians 1 -4; Philemon
Ladies’ Christmas Tea today.
Had to clean up living room and kitchen from the renovation debris. Dezirae helped me decorate at little bit.
Turnout was good. I had to adlib the devotional because my 2nd page was missing. Ladies enjoyed having it in mission house and are onboard with switching days to Saturday morning.
Guys went hunting. Dezirae took a nap. Invited Mom and Holly over for hot cocoa and a Christmas movie. I ended up crashing in the recliner. It’s okay because I’ve already seen the movie. Worked on washing Dezirae’s clothes for her. Using the drier with the vent tool helps heat the kitchen and living room areas plus I add essential oils to the water to scent and disinfect the air. It’s a win-win.
Guys didn’t see anything. Dinner. Start peeling potatoes. Joe comes to kitchen and finishes peeling potatoes for me. I’ll cook them overnight for Sunday dinner at church tomorrow. I’ll cook the cobbler in morning.
Arms itching. Can’t take Benadryl tonight because my nose is bloody. Don’t want it to get gushy. Throat feels swollen. I’m bloated and miserable due to constipation. Drank hot cocoa with tablespoon of coconut oil to help. Seriously need to detox. Need to figure best way for me.
Need to finish bulletin. Didn’t have as much done as I thought. Sitting in hard chair is killing my back. Have to get up every so often to give back and eyes a rest. Joe offers pillow to sit on. I reluctantly try. It helps.
Dec 18
5:00 woke to forearms itching again.
5:45 can’t stand the itching anymore. Used homemade face cream (coconut oil with essential oils) to help.
Song: ♫ Hark! The Herald Angels Sing ♫ & ♫ What Child is This? ♫
Scripture: Luke 1:68-70; Ephesians 1 -6; John 15:3-7
Need to get up to make the peach cobbler and the corn casserole. Oops. I don’t have any corn. I totally forgot until this morning about the other items I signed up for including the Christmas punch. Guess I’ll adlib. Making squash casserole instead. Will use some of the donated juices at church to make the punch and add soda.
Getting things ready at church. Joe calls me to introduce me to the missionary family. They know Jakob and Bri. I suddenly remember that I forgot about heating up the ham. I excuse myself and go to work to get it in crockpot.
Hands stinging and swollen. Exhausted and tired. Forearms and left ear lobe itches. Toes are freezing even though I’ve kept my shoes on. It’s almost as if my skin has gone into hypersensitivity drive. Low back aches. Legs tingling.
Sit at piano to start playing. Notice I’m slightly bleeding on inside of my ring finger. Ask Dezirae for a Band-Aid. It looks like a paper cut, but I don’t know how I did it nor did I feel it. Christmas hymns are challenging for me to play. Ask Joe to remind RI to let me know when they’re singing last stanza because I have difficulty following words while playing so I don’t know where we were at.
Lunch turned out great. Joe asked everyone to jump in and help with clean up so it went quickly. Dezirae had fun watching the babies in the nursery. With few ladies in attendance, Joe allowed Dezirae to be in nursery both services and rotate between the two ladies.
Delivered lunch plates to Mom and Dad. Lord, please expedite the insurance referral so he can get the testing done soon and start treatment so he can get better.
Changed into warmer, comfortable clothing and snuggled under covers to get warm. I’m freezing. It’s 64° inside. Turned heater on. Time for a nap. I’m exhausted.
5:00 Joe checks on me. I’m so tired and my arms are throbbing. Overdone it today, but I enjoyed it.
7:00 Joe checks on me again. Didn’t realize I’ve slept that long. I’m hurting immensely. Need to eat a little something plus I promised Dezirae we’d watch the Santa Claus episodes. Dezirae not here. She went with Grandma to watch play at CBC.
Nephews come over to hang out for a little bit. Joe washes his work clothes. Apparently, I’ve forgotten to do it. Thought I had. Staying up to get them out in the dryer.
Slight headache. Neck hurts. Arms throbbing. Low back aches. Shoulders hurt. Exhausted. Tired. Forearms itch. Cold, but having warm flashes.
Thankful for
- Being able to serve and worship at church today.
- All we need is a little faith to ask God for help and He will perform miracles
- We can learn to be content with the few things that we have
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