Walking Through Faith in Hard Times
December 4–5, 2022
Walking through faith in hard times is not easy. Still, God continues to give strength in each moment. These days in December 2022 reflect both physical weakness and God’s steady presence through it all.
December 4
5:00 woken by pain – both arms and hands stinging. Nose stuffy. Incision hurts. Nasty taste in mouth. Headache.
Scripture: John 8:12; 2 Corinthians 1-4
Question: How soon can I wear deodorant after breast cancer surgery?
Fell back to sleep for about an hour. Feeling hot. Temp 99.6 . Finished up bulletins and printed them. Typed up verses for scripture calendar.
On the way to the car for church, I was suddenly overcome with a wave of nausea. It felt as though the world was unsteady, like being caught in a storm, and my heart was pounding in my chest. I paused and began slow, deep breathing, trying to bring a sense of calm.
I told Dezirae I needed Dad, and in the moment, his response felt overwhelming. He told me to go back into the house, thinking I might not have wanted to go after all. I tried to explain that I did want to go, but everything was happening so quickly, and it was hard to put into words what I was feeling.
I said a quiet prayer, asking God for help in that moment and for understanding all around. I continued focusing on my breathing, letting myself settle.
A few minutes later, Joe came and apologized for how he had responded. I shared with him what I had experienced, and he admitted he wasn’t sure how to respond in the moment.
Once at church, had Dezirae help me take down fall bulletin board. My arms feel like Jello and are throbbing. Neuropathy in hands and arms bothersome.
Mom comes in looking perplexed. Joe asks what’s wrong. Dad’s not acting right. She’s worried. I go to give her a hug and ask what’s wrong. She tells me. I suggest she take him to Urgent Care to get checked out. Joe has church pray for him. Mom leaves to go take care of Dad.
Didn’t take the chance of trying to play piano today due to stitches from surgery and that area still sore. Began feeling very nauseous while singing. Had to stop. Feel like a bathroom trip is inevitable.
11:40 my rt forearm starts itching fiercely. I scratch it. Arm begins bleeding. Have to grab a tissue and ask for a Band-Aid.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/skin-changes-after-chemotherapy#hand-foot-syndrome
Joe thinks it might be a reaction to the IV or the adhesive they used to tape it down. All I know is that it itches severely and burns. Coconut oil with lavender applied. Still itching. Applied cortisone. Lunch made. Ate very little due to feeling nauseous. Aldi juices don’t taste well to me. Took ibuprofen and Benadryl. Forearm still itching. Left side hurting. Took Benadryl and ibuprofen. Laying down to rest. Playing wholetones.
Slept until just before Joe called to let me know they were on way home from church. I’m still a bit groggy. Ate salad and noodles for dinner. Drink peppermint tea. I’m exhausted and ready for bed. Itching and burning has eased. Rash on rt forearm has eased as well. Strange that I had a delayed reaction. Thinking about it I had same delayed reaction when they used the adhesive to hold down the IV for the MRI contrast. Guess I need to make more of it.
One thing that is a little perplexing is now that God helped me to beat cancer what’s the next step? I’m still battling the side effects from chemo, which are slowly easing, but now what? It’s kind of unsettling. I’m going to refuse the radiation though I expect opposition for it. I’m not sure I should continue immune therapy. I have a whole new range of questions popping into my thoughts.
https://www.cancer.net/survivorship/life-after-cancer/what-comes-after-finishing-treatment-expert-qa
Thankful for:
- Being able to attend church
- Answered prayers throughout the day
- Moments of relief and rest
I have an essential oil wound healing blend that I apply to area surrounding surgery sites to aid in healing. I apply an essential oil immune blend to feet before bed.
December 5
5:00 I’m exhausted. Didn’t sleep well. Trouble getting comfortable. Get hot take covers off get cold put cover back on.
Scripture: John 10:7, 9-10; Titus 2:3-4
Up to help Dezirae study for a quiz. Fill ice cube trays. Fill water purifier. I’m behind on purifying water. Put away dry dishes. Empty dishwasher. I’m exhausted and my arms are throbbing. Need to rest a bit.
2 Corinthians 5-9
Put load in washer. Printed bank statement. Work on finishing up devotional and scripture calendar for the month and post to blog. First set of exercises.
Brain needs a break. Decided to eat lunch. Recvd few phone calls. Called Mom to check on Dad. She has Dr appt scheduled. Decide to go visit with them for few minutes. Mom fed me pumpkin soup for lunch. Something in the soup irritating my throat.
Mom offers to take me to bank. Home to rest.
Dr instructed Mom to take Dad to ER for testing to make sure there was no internal damage from his fall. Everything checks out ok. Still keeping apt on Thursday. They need to adjust his meds since he’s lost so much weight. This eases my mind.
I’ve noticed today while doing my exercises that my left arm feels like I’m stretching a tight string, and it causes pain. Neuropathy pain in left arm is more prominent and bothersome. Think I’ll call Dr tomorrow to make sure it’s nothing to worry about.
https://www.bannerhealth.com/healthcareblog/teach-me/three-things-to-know-about-cording
https://www.healthline.com/health/axillary-web-syndrome#risk-factors
I was also able to reconnect with a dear friend, which lifted my spirit. Even in a slower season, God continues to provide meaningful moments of connection.
Thankful for:
- A steady, manageable day
- Support from family
- Encouraging conversations