Walking Through Faith in Challenging Days
September 12-14, 2022
Walking through faith during extreme trials means learning to carry physical weakness while clinging to spiritual truth. These entries reflect a few days in September 2022, capturing the balance between pain, fatigue, family life, and trusting God throughout it all.
September 12
Tossed and turned most of the night, struggling to get comfortable. Right ear is throbbing, energy is low, and I’m feeling extremely tired. The taste in my mouth is unpleasant, so I plan to rest after Dezirae leaves for school. Lord, please watch over and protect my daughter.
Scripture Reflection:
Hebrews 13:5-6 – Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee. So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.
Philippians 4:4
Housework is overwhelming today, but I managed to start the stew by putting veggies in the crockpot. Oven racks may wait until later—I’m focusing on what I can do. Listening to Rejoice Radio helps me feel grounded.
Info on detoxing and building immune system
https://www.organiclifestylemagazine.com/how-to-detoxify-from-chemotherapy-and-repair-the-body
Spent most of the day in bed, resting and sleeping. Forced myself up for lunch around 12:45—tomato cucumber salad and tomato soup with crackers. Feeling a bit nauseous but grateful for what I can manage.
3:10 Dezirae calls to check on me and let me know she’s on way home. Stopped at store to get Sprite and Ginger Ale.
Mom calls to check on me and ask a question. Phone call reminds me to call to check on insurance.
4:12 have to leave a message. Nice lady calls back to let me know that insurance has been updated. It doesn’t register what she said so proceed to ask my question. She kindly repeats her statement. I apologize and let her know that what she said didn’t register at first. I thank her for her kindness. Thank you, Lord.
I’m wore out and exhausted. Need to lay down. At least I was able to sit up for a few hours.
Asked Joe to brown the beef for the soup and doctor it for me. Decided to bake some biscuits to go with dinner while Dezirae was at her piano lesson. Misjudged distance from my arm and burned my rt arm just above the elbow. It hurts. Applied lavender oil but it hurts worse. Sitting down for a while.
Swallowing is a little difficult today, so I used peppermint mouthwash and took a Benadryl to help with mild swelling. Monitoring it and will call the doctor if needed.
https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/treatment/side-effects/mouth-throat
Ezekiel 46-49
I’m exhausted and feel horrible. Whole body aches as if I have the flu. Nerves stinging throughout body. Nauceous. Gag reflexes easily triggered. Headache.
September 13
Benadryl helped, and my throat feels less swollen. Still a bit nauseous, lethargic, and feel run down. Check throat in mirror. My tongue is covered in white and sores. It still hurts to swallow, but at least it’s like a sore throat pain instead of closing throat pain.
Scripture Reflection:
1 Peter 3:8; Nahum 1:7; Proverbs 31:25-26; Joel 1–3
Posting to my journal was challenging today—I didn’t feel like being on my phone and found it hard to focus. Still, I managed to get two loads of laundry washed, dried, and put away. Worked on Scripture journaling, doing a couple at a time as my eyes tire easily and writing can get sloppy. Decorated the front of my cancer notebook for notes and phone calls.
Called to get my Sancuso patch refilled—insurance approved. Yay! Hoping to feel better soon so I can schedule physical therapy.
Received the gift of groceries today, along with several encouraging texts and calls. Feeling thankful for these reminders of care and support. Took a shower and applied colloidal silver to help with a mild rash developing on my chest.
Thankful for:
- The blessing of groceries and practical help
- Friends and family checking in, making me feel loved and remembered
- Feeling overall stable and able to manage post-chemo symptoms
September 14
5:00 a.m. — Woke with discomfort in my arms and hands, needing to reposition in bed. Mouth tastes unpleasant. Feeling extremely tired, as if I’d run a marathon overnight. Headache and sensitivity to light make resting challenging.
Song on my mind: “I Have Been Blessed”
Scripture Reflection: Philippians 2:1-2; Psalm 62:7-8; Daniel 1-3
Pain and fatigue are making it difficult to hold things for long. Skin on my chest feels itchy, and muscles in my legs are twitching.
6:48 a.m. — Almost overslept, but wanted to spend time with Dezirae before school. Despite exhaustion, I rotated ice cubes, refilled the water purifier, and prepped corn for freezing. Laundry needed attention as well. Small tasks feel big on days like this.
9:30 not sure how long I dozed off. Dryer stopped. Need to check so I can get dressed. Items I need were dry. Put rest of them back in dryer.
Decided to try to use weed eater around house. Whew! What a workout. Who knew 15 minutes of weed eating would be so hard. My arms are throbbing and I’m out of breath. I think I’ll be feeling this for a while. Time to rest a while.
Lunch was a simple Caesar salad, though my stomach didn’t respond well. There’s blood in my stool but I’m not sure if it’s because I’m constipated or what. Have had couple of hot flashes today as if I’m running fever but thermometer says my temp is normal. I don’t know what to think. Think I’ll go lay down for a while. Sometimes I wish someone was here I could ask questions to.
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/candida-symptoms-treatment#TOC_TITLE_HDR_9
Nurse says the blood in stool is probably internal hemorrhoids. The hot flashes is probably from the chemo treatment bc one of the medicine is blocking my hormones because the cancer is feeding off my hormones. The white patches and sores are probably flush. Will call in Rx.
7:00 sudden blood nose. Had to ask for tissue. Took couple minutes to stop.
7:30 that moment when you’re actually hungry but it hurts to swallow. I need an emoji dictionary because I have no clue if I’m using them correctly.
https://marnieclark.com/foods-breast-cancer-patients-should-never-touch/
Tried to eat unsweetened applesauce, but it burned going down. Had to stop halfway. Need to freeze my throat somehow to numb the pain.
Nerves stinging in left leg. Throat burns. Nerves tingling in arms and hands. Muscles aches deeply. Low back throbbing. Feet stinging and throbbing more so on left side.
Thankful for:
- Provision of food dropped off today
- Hearing from all my children
- Sharing unspoken praise with Mom
- Current symptoms, though challenging, are more manageable than last time
