Walking Through Faith in Challenging Days
September 18-20, 2022
Walking through faith during extreme trials means learning to carry physical weakness while clinging to spiritual truth. These entries reflect a few days in September 2022, capturing the balance between pain, fatigue, family life, and trusting God throughout it all.
September 18
6:00 stomach stopped hurting. Nose is quite congested making it difficult to breathe. Headache. Eyes watery. Nasty taste is subsiding. Thirsty.
Scripture Reflection: Philippians 2:3-4; Daniel 10-12; Psalm 56:3
Feel like I was beat up. My muscles feel very tight like a rubber band stretched almost to capacity.
Bake homemade brownies for lunch and leftovers to be sent to school with Jordon. As I’m making them, I can taste the ingredients though I’m only smelling them. Joe says it’s my super senses kicking it and it’s weird. I tease Dezirae that I could probably fit the dress she’s wearing today. She doesn’t like it one bit. Lol. Ready for church on time. Feel like I’m forgetting something.
Arrive at church and get frustrated because there’s so much that needs to be done and I cannot do it. Power was out for couple hours this morning so it’s hot inside. Fans going to circulate the air. Need to decorate for Fall. Cannot find the runner I want to use. It’s hiding in plain sight in the foyer. Dezirae practicing for her special. I’m talking to self to keep me sane. She thinks I’m talking to her and gets agitated. I explain that I’m talking to myself. Realize what it was that I forgot – the cupcakes for the grandparents today. Ugh! I go to tell Joe I remembered what we forgot except I lose my balance and trip and fall to platform. At least I did it gracefully.
Lord, please help me to have a better attitude.
I’m feeling the jarring from falling earlier. I’m really starting to hurt.
11:50 throat starting to feel like a frog got stuck. Headache. I’m getting really sleepy.
Joe cooked the meat for lunch. Joe decided to put salt on the meat. I asked him not to. He asked why. Had to explain that even Himalayan salt gives me a chemical taste in my mouth and makes the horrible taste on tongue worse.
4:40 back at church. Able to shop the mission closet for a few clothes that might fit. Stomach started hurting bad. Had to make a mad dash to bathroom. Ended up having an accident. Ugh. Had to call Joe for help. Had fleeting thought this morning that I might need to start carrying a change of clothes. Wish I would have listened.
Both A/Cs are out at church. It’s 85° inside. The only working units are window units in the office and nursery. Joe decided to back up and punt…moved services to his office.
My rt eye has been randomly twitching throughout the day. It’s bad enough that causes my eye to close part way. Irritating.
Bought low sodium bacon for dinner. Even that was too salty for me. Now I have extreme salty taste in my mouth. Yuck!
https://www.verywellhealth.com/taste-changes-after-chemotherapy-513894
September 19
4:30 woke to use restroom. Neuropathy in arms stinging fiercely. Salty taste in mouth has eased, but replaced with post nasal drip. Sniffles. Headache. Thirsty. Eyes watery. Trouble getting comfortable. Tired.
Scripture Reflection: Ephesians 4:29
https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/body/22313-neutrophils
Load clothes in washer. Decided to try to sweep and mop kitchen floor. Only able to do half of the floor. Rested a bit.
Decided to try to mow small portion of yard. Grass too wet. Saw tree down on clothesline. Decided to try to clear some of branches to burn pit. Whew! I’m exhausted and hurting. Need to rest.
Need to call physical therapy to schedule. First need to write down all my appointments so I can get better organized. In calling for physical therapy appt, the guy asked me to read off the order for him. Associated problems: primary malignant neoplasm of breast disorder, ataxia, pain. That’s a new one on me. I didn’t know I had ataxia. Ataxia is a degenerative disease of the nervous system. It’s caused by damage to the cerebellum, the part of the brain that is responsible for coordinating movement. Interesting. Appt for tomorrow because they had a cancellation. PtL!
I’m really feeling overdoing today. In much pain. I just want to cry.
Center of chest sharp stabbing pain.
10:30 night vitamins taken. Center chest hurts. Nerves stinging throughout body. Whole body throbbing intensely.
September 20
5:00 I hurt all over. Feel like I’ve been beaten up. Exhausted and tired. Thirsty. Horrible taste in mouth.
Scripture Reflection: Joel 2:23; Ezra 1-6; Psalm 137; Psalm 5:11-12 7:30
Song on mind: ♫ I Made It Mine ♫
tummy is hurting. Need to use restroom. Stool is loose. There’s bright red blood. I’m concerned. I think something is wrong, but how do I express that to my doctor? The last time I expressed concern I was told it’s probably internal hemorrhoids breaking. I don’t think so.
BP 117/78, pulse 88 First appointment went well. Jay has worked with lightning strike survivors before. Asked about Guillian Barre – weakness and tingling in feet, legs, arms. I told him it happens occasionally, but comes and goes. Asked about pain. Told him today it’s about a 5, but the more I try to do the more I hurt. Asked about location. Currently all over. Informed him that I was a lightning strike survivor and now have breast cancer. He’s worked with lightning survivors. Been PT for 24 years. Gave him medical documents about lightning survivors. Took his time with the different tests. Will need to finish up on Thursday.
When I came home, I was worn out. Holly helped me straighten up the living room. Holly also helps cut up most of the branch that fell on my clothesline. While sitting in the recliner, I felt like a crash was oncoming, so I went to lie down and crashed. Put Spotify on to play while I was sleeping. Slept until 2pm. I’m exhausted and hurting greatly all over.
In chatting with one of the nurses while waiting for the therapist to call me, I did learn why people think I’m a strong person. I was able to briefly give my lightning story and now having cancer. We talked about treatment for cancer. Her Mom had breast cancer and told me about her experience. She told me that with all that I’ve been through and still have a smile on my face and a positive attitude. I was a strong lady. I’ve been wondering why people thought I was so strong. I’m just me pushing through the trial as God helps me.
6:00 Dezirae practicing piano. I decided to go lay down again. Fell asleep for 45 minutes. Can’t believe how much the one-hour assessment has drained me today.
Trying to find a healthy popsicle recipe that I can enjoy. The heathier ones in store are so expensive.
https://foodrevolution.org/blog/healthy-popsicles/
9:30 going to bed. I’m hurting greatly all over and feel physical and mentally drained. Pain Rx reliever taken at 7pm.
Thankful for… 1. God providing physical therapy 2. Learned answer to why people think I’m strong (positive attitude and smiling). 3. Made too much Mexican rice casserole for dinner. Able to share with parents. 4. Joe & Dezirae did kitchen duty after dinner.
