Walking Through Faith in Challenging Days
September 21-23, 2022
Walking through faith during extreme trials means learning to carry physical weakness while clinging to spiritual truth. These entries reflect a few days in September 2022, capturing the balance between pain, fatigue, family life, and trusting God throughout it all.
September 21
4:00 woke to much pain and needing to use restroom. Balance a bit off as I had to touch edge of bed to keep from falling.
Song: I Made It Mine
Scripture Reflection: 2 Corinthians 13:14; Haggai 1-2; Zechariah 1- 2; 1 John 5:14
5:00 getting sleepy. Play wholetones music for a bit. Fell back asleep.
6:30 share verse and devotional with Rae, pray with her before she leaves.
Decided to work on chemo port pillows. Need to find the material. Located it. Put a few Fall items up. Search for Scion title. I cannot remember where I put it. It’s not where I would file it either. Frustrating. Make call to chiropractor to check time for next appt so I can get it penciled down.
8:00 hungry and eating breakfast
Work on port pillows. Cannot locate the Velcro. I guess I’ll have to get more.
9:00 I’m exhausted and wore out. I cannot get over how exhausted I am. Need to rest a bit.
1100 started fixing lunch. Thought it was later than it is. Oh well.
Back of throat burning and it hurts a little to swallow. Something in the seasoning must be agitating my throat. Drinking lots of water.
Folded two loads clothes and put away. Straightened up a little in Rae’s room. I’m exhausted and feel a crash oncoming. Need to lie down a little while.
1:00 slept an hour with Spotify playing
2:00 working on reassembling a T-shirt that I had taken sleeves off to shorten. Cannot recall if I shortened them or not. Oh, well. Arm hole larger than sleeve so I must have.
3:30 Rae and I go get our nails done with gel nail polish. It feels nice to be spoiled a little. Nurse at Drs office suggested that during chemo I keep my nails done to help keep them from breaking.
Go grocery shopping for few things. Decided to go to WM. They’re remodeling. I don’t like it. They put more self checkouts in and closer together. What happened to keep your distance because of germs? Avoid this place if at all possible.
Back home. Food brought in. Finish up dinner. Trouble swallowing dinner. Have to chase each bite down with liquid. Not good.
7:45 feel like I’m going to crash again. This is ridiculous.
Not sure what time it was but tried to ask Joe to pray with me but he was already sleeping.
September 22
Crashed around 8pm. Slept until 1:30ish to use restroom. Back to sleep quickly. Awake again around 4am but no energy to move. Momentarily thought I was paralyzed, but was able to move to different position.
Song: He Is There
* I had a bunch of stuff written in my journal, but it erased it. What good is an app if it can’t keep stored what you write? Ugh!
Scripture Reflection: Zechariah 3-7; Romans 15:7; Psalm 85:11-12; Isaiah 40:31
Upset because I had to reschedule my appointment for today. This in turn discouraged me and I ended up having a meltdown. Finances are dwindling quickly and I have no clue how to fix it. I continue to feel exhausted and have been sleeping a lot since my first PT appointment.
Sometimes the battle can get intense and even soldiers need time to rest and recharge. Thankful that we can renew our strength while waiting on the Lord (Isaiah 40:31).
Isaiah 40:31 But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.
Made fresh veggie juice. Added powdered greens hoping it would give me more energy. Working on making chemo port pillows for next week. Decided to cook noodles for pasta salad. Allowed pasta to cool while chopping veggies. Assembled pasta salad. Getting wore down. Need to rest. Think I’ll dish a small of salad and sit to rest a bit. Ate salad. Fell asleep in chair.
Mom called to ask if she could come watch a movie with me. I happily obliged. Rewind movie so we can watch it together. I missed over half of it anyway
MH called to check on me. We had a good talk. Wants us to get together soon. I think it’d be good for both of us. . Having a difficult time with both eyes twitching randomly throughout the day.
September 23
6:00 slept better than I have last few days but still feel exhausted. Eyes watery. Sinuses slightly congested. Nasal passages feel dried out.
Scripture Reflection: Romans 5:3-4; Zechariah 8-12; Romans 5:3-5
Trying to figure out if I should break down and buzz my hair (what’s left) or just allow it to keep falling out a little a time. I do not want to shave my head. I have a chat with Joe. I’m bawling my eyes out. I feel like it’s part of my identity except I mess up and sad it was my identity.
Dr appt – upset at check in. Expected to know that I had a copay that I wasn’t aware of nor had to pay previously. Nurse tried to use insurance mix-up as excuse, but we pointed out that I had this insurance since March or April and not had copay before. She coped attitude under breath, but we heard it. Told her I was confused.
Bp 114/85 pulse 79 weight 173 With my getting more excessively fatigued lately, I was concerned that my blood counts had dropped more. In the back of my mind, I was concerned that I’d have to get a blood transfusion. I really wanted to go to the Ladies Conference and that would just put a kink in my plans. Dr said that the extreme lethargy is normal and usually gets worse as long as I’m on the chemo. Dr said considering everything my labs look good. My counts are holding steady even though my red blood counts are still mildly low. I asked if there was anything I could do at home to help such as B vitamins. He said they could, but it wouldn’t hurt either. I asked multiple questions and he kindly took the time to answer them. Questions such as:
1. I’ve read that chemo can affect your thyroid. How will I know if it’s affecting mine?
Dr is going to write an order and get prior authorization to get it checked.
2. I’m a bit confused as to how to answer what type of cancer I have other than breast cancer.
I have a rare type of cancer – Her 2+ & Her 2-. It’s not normal to have both at the same time. Leave it me to be different. Lol.
3. We are a bit concerned about the radiation part of the treatment and how many doses there will be. Can you explain it better?
The radiation treatment in my case will be targeted since it’s localized. It will be given in small amounts but multiple times a week for several weeks.
*I’ve heard and read that people experience skin burns from radiation. It affects everyone different. Not everyone experiences the burning but fair skinned people tend to burn more easily.
4. Is it possible to see the machine or area where I’ll be getting the radiation?
Yes, he can set me up an appointment to see the radiologist to discuss options and answer questions.
*If you opt for lumpectomy, radiation is advised. If you opt for mastectomy, radiation is not necessarily needed. It will also depend on markers after chemo.
Prayer Request: The questions we asked today helped ease some anxieties but have also raised more questions regarding treatment options in the future. Please pray that we may the right decision for my health. Finances having been very tight. Pray that God will provide.
Joe treated me to Cracker Barrel for a breakfast date. We had a gift card. I ordered the steak, eggs, and hash browns. Apple juice – made sure it was 100% natural and filtered water. I was really hungry (not normal for me). Enjoyed browsing the shop afterwards. Found a Cheerwine.
Tired once home, laid down to take nap so I can have energy for tonight. Played wholetones music. Slept over an hour. Didn’t feel like getting up.
Ladies Conference was a delight. I’m amazed at how many people are following my posts. Several of the ones I talked with today made comments about different posts. Encouraging to hear that lots of people are praying for me.
I’m exhausted and need sleep in order to go tomorrow morning.
Thankful for… 1. Able to attend the Ladies Conference 2. I have multiple praying friends 3. Recvd word that some old friends are coming for a visit next week.
