Walking Through Faith in Hard Times
October 19-21, 2022
Walking through Faith in Hard Times is challenging, especially when facing illness, fatigue, and uncertainty. In this journal entry from a few days in October of 2022, I share my personal experiences of living out faith in hard times each day, trusting God through physical trials, family responsibilities, and daily life challenges.
October 19
5:15 used phone as pillow speaker to listen to wholetones music to help me fall asleep. Kept waking due to severe pain in arms and shoulders.
Song on mind: ♫Heaven came down and glory filled my soul ♫
Scripture: Psalm 37:4; Matthew 15; Mark 7
Printed Scripture Journaling Calendar and devotional for Friday, cleared kitchen table, unloaded dishwasher, put away dishes, got meat out to thaw for dinner, washed clothes, folded four loads laundry, ate lunch
Oncologist office called to give me date and time of PET scan. Looked at calendar. Ugh. It’s at same time as Joe’s Dr appt. Can’t change his. Called oncologist office back to see if they could move it to afternoon. Yes. Whew.
Getting very sleepy. Legs burning stinging. Lower left leg tourniquet tightening feeling with tingling to foot, feet chilly, ears ringing, hands throbbing Can’t keep eyes open. Need a nap. Listening to Clark Family on Spotify.
Tried to sleep for an hour, but phone kept ringing. Finally quit answering it. I’m more exhausted than before I laid down.
Sorted socks. Found a lot of pairs. Wow! Wore out. Not going to be able to go to the store.
The smell of cooking dinner made me nauseous. Well, I started feeling that way before starting to cook. Think I did too much today. Feeling a bit under the weather presently. Cut Joe’s hair before finishing cooking dinner. He was well overdue. Looks much better now. Joe made me eat a little bit.
General achiness all over. Lower left leg tourniquet tightening feeling. Left eye feels swollen and hurts. Eyes watery – left more than right. Cyst on top of head hurts. Lethargic. Going to bed early. Maybe I just need sleep.
Thankful for… 1. Received uplifting card from Julia. It put a smile on my face. 2. Dezirae understanding that I didn’t feel up to going to store though I was one that requested it for a surprise for Joe. 3. A bed to sleep in.
October 20
6:20 feel like I can sleep longer. Headache. Mouth dry. Both arms and hands throbbing. Vision in left eye is very blurry – I cannot make out the words on a page. I’m hoping it’s just the chemo and will clear up soon after finished with those treatments.
Scripture: Psalm 51:12; Matthew 16; Mark 8; Isaiah 9:6
Lymphatic drainage https://youtu.be/-mTTMVNDauQ
Started off not feeling well. Both arms very sore, very lethargic, and headache. Pushed myself to do a few chores. Cleaned shower and tub. Took shower. Lost balance in shower but able to catch wall to stable myself. I need a shower chair or something to help. Washed shower curtain and rehung to dry. Made more chemo port pillows for cancer patients. Printed October devotional and scripture journaling calendar to pass out tomorrow.
At church, Dezirae helped me sort donated food out for church families. Rested for half hour before service. Finished sorting cold items after church. Dezirae helped me pass it all out. It’s such a blessing. I always make sure everyone else gets food before I take for us. Some things I know we won’t eat. Other things I take the extras like apples because I use them for juicing. God is good to me.
Symptoms: Headache, arm muscles sore, general achiness all over, lower left leg tourniquet tightening feeling with tingling to foot, low back throbbing, feet cold, general feeling of unwellness, lethargic, hands aching and tingling, headache, eyes watery – left more than right, neck hurts, periodic ringing in ears during day, rash inside navel, metallic taste in mouth, lack of appetite, periodic burping.
Thankful for 1. God providing food for our church families 2. Able to get the pillows made 3. Dezirae’s English homework wasn’t too hard tonight 4. My last chemo treatment #6 is tomorrow.
October 21
5:30 didn’t sleep well. My left shoulder is throbbing immensely. It feels like it’s out of place again. Up every couple hours. Exhausted.
Scripture: Psalm 40:8; Matthew 17; Mark 9; Philippians 4:6-7
Dr Appt – Temperature 97.2; Weight 171; BP 105/72; pulse 80
Forgot to put the numbing cream on port area. Poke didn’t hurt too bad. I also forgot to bring the Sancuso patch to put on my arm. I have such chemo brain today! Nurse, Jessica, said it was just last chemo on brain. Yes, I’m ready to be done with them.
Aloxi (anti-nausea medicine) given by syringe via IV. Dexamethasone (steroid) 20 minutes. Emend (anti-nausea medicine) 30 minutes.
Working on journaling while listening to wholetones music.
Chilling sensation moving through body. Starting to feel a bit nauceous.
Perjeta (immune therapy) 30 minutes.
Starting to get a blood nose. Nasty taste in mouth is making me want to puke.
Eyes are getting heavy feeling and hurting.
Ontruzant (immune therapy) 30 minutes.
I’m freezing cold even though I’m layered and have a blanket. Feeling very tired.
Took a nap.
Taxitere (chemotherapy) 15 minute trial to start then 45 minutes.
Watching Chris beats cancer Square One module 3 – Anti Cancer diet part 1
Carboplatin (chemotherapy) 30 minutes
Afterwards, I began watching Chris beats cancer Square One module #3 – the anti-cancer diet part 1 and taking notes while getting chemotherapy drugs. It takes me a lot longer to watch videos especially when I’m trying to take notes. I have to pause and repeat sections of the video multiple times in order to not only understand what’s being said but also take notes to refer to later on. Phone about died had to turn on battery saver.
After I was done, nurse applied the Neulasta injection device in left arm. She also gave me a transdermal patch to apply over my Sancuso patch when I got home.
Have to have port flushed every eight weeks. Can come get fluids whenever I need them. May be used during PET scan.
12:45 Once home, Joe applied the Sancuso patch. I put homemade chicken soup in crockpot and bunch of tomatoes in other crockpot to make homemade spaghetti sauce. Lunch was tomato soup.
I’m feeling horrible. Nauceous, bloated, nerves stinging, bones ache deeply all over. Right eye twitching. Exhausted.
Sucking on a whole Ginger chew helped ease nauseousness. I’m hurting immensely all over now. Ugh.
Took about four hours for the patch to kick in. Only able to drink the broth from dinner. Tasted good. Bloated again after drinking it.
Tried to finish Square One module I started watching earlier but I missed to time. Watched module 4 and took notes. Took me about two hours as I kept hitting wrong buttons. Lots of good information.
11:11 going to bed. I’m exhausted and not feeling well. Freezing. Nose dry. Applied vitamin E oil with Q-Tip. Prepared for bed. Took colloidal silver 15ml. Took pm vitamins plus immune blend protocol. Had difficulty swallowing so I also took a Benadryl. Applied extra emollient night cream to hands – they were dried out. Hope I sleep better than last night. Joe full blown sick with running 100.8 fever. He’s sleeping on couch. Did best I could though I was sick myself to try to take care of him.
