Walking Through Faith in Hard Times
October 25-27, 2022
Walking through Faith in Hard Times is challenging, especially when facing illness, fatigue, and uncertainty. In these journal entries from a few days in October of 2022, I share my personal experiences of living out faith in hard times each day, trusting God through physical trials, family responsibilities, and daily life challenges.
October 25
Rough night. Up every few hours either coughing, catching runny nose, or using restroom. I’m exhausted and feel like I’ve been beaten up.
Song: ♫ You’re the One Living In Me ♫
Scripture: Ephesians 5:19-20; John 9-10; Luke 10:1-42
Receive notice that today is a weather aware day. Can’t remember if lid is on bur barrel. Oh, I left the shovel out. Need to take care of them. Go to put lid on compost pile and encounter a baby snake. It’s about a foot long. Didn’t see head. Nope! Not my cup of tea.
Just that little bit wore me out. Back to bed I go.
Hurts to stay lying in bed. Vegetate in recliner in living room. Dezirae diffuses thieves oil in house. Throat is burning and feels swollen. Only thing that helps is ice cold water and popsicles.
Make myself get up every few hours to move around. Don’t want to get pneumonia. Have Dezirae run errands by pickup up Rx and few items at grocery store. Have Dezirae ask pharmacist about side effects of Tamiflu. She says it can cause people to have vivid bad dreams. Hmm Reminds me of side effects of muscle relaxers and melatonin. I’m second guessing if I should take it. Besides it’s only supposed to help if taken with 24-48 hours. Today is 5th day of symptoms.
Dezirae accidentally locks herself out of van. She feels bad. Assure her it’s okay. It happens to best of us. Joe had to go rescue her. Stay on phone with her until Joe arrives maybe longer. That trip wore him out. I appreciate my daughter so much and love her bunches.
4:00 I’m exhausted. Decided to lay down in bed for a while. I’m so exhausted I can’t fall asleep. Decided to check in on church family, friends, and family that are sick. Vision is blurry. Trouble typing. Throat burning and feels swollen. Nothing seems to help right now. I’m feeling quite miserable. I wasn’t even this sick when we had covid in 2021 and I had it the worst then. Joe being out of work several days is going to hurt in the pocketbook, but God is going to have to take care of us. I may have to remind myself several times over the next few weeks.
9:30 suddenly start getting nauseous and start vomiting. Joe’s been vomiting off and on throughout the day. This is a bad flu.
10:00 going to bed. I’m freezing, but don’t have a fever. End up having meltdown. I’m so exhausted and feeling horrible I just fall apart. This warrior needs a quiet place to rest. I have a long chat with my Saviour giving Him all my anxieties and cares with pros and cons. I ask Him for healing on my family that’s sick including myself. I’m scared but know that God is in control. I thank God for the gift a friend sent me today because I feel like I’m always the one checking on everyone else and no one bothers to think of checking on me. This flu plus chemo side effects is double whammy and pretty horrible I don’t want to end up in hospital. I ask God to help me come through as gold because I don’t want to fail. I attempt to sing “In the Garden” to comfort myself. I forget a few words and cry harder. I want to be comforted but I don’t want to be touched. The horrible salty chemical taste is so strong this time it’s making me gag. Nothing seems to be helping. I’m so tired I’ll cry myself to sleep.
October 26
6:30 woken by the alarm. Little disoriented at first. Exhausted. Feels like I just fell asleep. Whole body hurts, throat throbbing, cough, congestion in chest, headache, ears ringing, neck hurts, eyes watery, nose congested, chest hurts some, legs throbbing, nerves stinging, right hip throbbing, feet hurt…
Scripture: 2 Timothy 3:16-17; Luke 12-13; Isaiah 32:17-18
Read scripture and prayed with Dezirae before school. She texted to let me know she made it safe. I’m going back to bed.
I think just about every inch of me hurts. I’m a bit wobbly on in feet too. Playing wholetones music on my phone.
9:30 got up to do a few chores. Mouse I ordered doesn’t work. Applied for help to pay electric bill for this month. Tired to get dinner in crockpot, but got wore out. Need to rest a while and try again later.
1:30 finally got food items in crockpot. Will have Dezirae finish it up later. Offered to make enough to share with Mom and their house. Not going to get much done today either.
5:30 Joe encouraged me to try to eat dinner. Tasted decent but spices burning throat. Tummy hurts. Afraid to eat.
Hour later everything went right through me. Bad taste in my mouth now.
Symptoms today: mouth sores, bad sour metallic salty taste in mouth, dizziness, brain fog, upset stomach, sinus congestion, post nasal drip, periodic ringing in ears, tingling and numbness in hands and arms several times that lasted for couple hours at a time, lethargic, body aches, upset stomach, nausea and periodic vomiting brought on by coughing fits, coughing, chest congestion and pain, legs ache deeply, feet throbbing with stinging, exhausted. Right hip throbbing. Left shoulder popping when I toss in bed. It hurts for long time afterwards.
Took elderberry, C, D3, and zinc. Plus nebulized with colloidal silver. Able to drink more fluids today.
Thankful for
- Feeling a smidge better though still not able to do much
- Several friends and family checked in on us today
- Dezirae is still healthy
October 27
6:30 woke before alarm with pounding headache, crick in neck, severely congested, coughing fits, and needing to use restroom.
Song:
Scripture: Isaiah 4:12; Luke 14-15;
Rough day. Joe and I still not better. He called PCP. Dr changed Joe’s antibiotics, gave steroid, and cough medicine. Gave me antibiotics and cough medicine. Dezirae picked it up when they were ready.
1:00p Mrs. Vicki dropped off homemade chicken noodle soup and herbal teas. Been trying to drink more fluids but not winning the battle.
6:30p I’m not having good time holding food down but need to eat before taking medicine. Thirty minutes later my throat feels like it’s swelling and I have to run to bathroom to vomit. I have no idea which medication I’m having an allergic reaction to. Will take Benadryl tonight.
Very nauseous. Seem to be vomiting every hour or so now. I hate being this sick.
11:06 attempting to go to bed. I’m so tired but burning in throat and coughing are bothersome. Lord, take my hand help me through this storm. I need to get better. My family needs Joe and I to get better. Wonder what herbal teas would help calm GI tract?
