Lightning Strikes – Memoirs 28-30 June 2020
Lightning Strikes – Memoirs 26-27 June 2020
Lightning Strikes – Memoirs 24-25 June 2020
Lightning Strikes-Journal Entries 22-23, 2020
Raw Emotions vs. Biblical Perspective
Raw Emotions vs. Biblical Perspective
I frequently find myself looking for ideas outside of the box for Scripture Journaling. Sometimes I have difficulty deciding on what subjects to focus on from month to month. I regularly ask the Lord for His direction and guidance on each month’s subject.
While each month has a personal reason behind the choice, this month’s is a bit raw and personal due to my recent breast cancer diagnosis. While my mind struggles to find out how to approach or organize the idea, I am certain that this would help countless others regardless of their circumstances.
People often experience a vast range of emotions when given grave news, such as cancer, loss of loved one, or experiencing a hardship that lasts for a long time. With each stage of the journey, these emotions can change. It’s important to note that it’s quite normal for these emotions to arise, and there are no two people alike that experience things the same way.
It’s natural to want to be supportive of those who are experiencing traumatic events. Sometimes it’s hard to know exactly what to say. What most people who are suffering need is a quiet, caring presence. While throughout my life when experiencing some tragedy or another, I have often heard words that have hurt more than helped by well-intentioned people. I know they meant well. What’s most encouraging is hearing from people that care and knowing that they are praying for me.
The next time you want to help someone who is experiencing a tragedy, remember to take time to talk with the Lord and ask Him for wisdom on how you can be of help through your words and actions. When you bring God’s silent presence to a friend in need, He can use you as an instrument of grace and comfort.
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Below is a list of thoughts, feelings, or reactions one may encounter when given grave news—some of these I have already dealt with or are dealing with from my lightning strike. Some of them are new feelings I am currently working through. I hope this will be a comfort to someone to let them know that they are not alone in their journey.
Shock
My initial thought was:
- This can’t be true
- I felt numb and wasn’t sure what to think
This is natural. It took time for me to understand the meaning of the news I was told and to get over the initial shock.
Pain and suffering appear to be contrary with our conception of a good and loving sovereign God. God has complete power over our circumstances and desires to mold us into the image of His Son.
We often become self-reliant in good circumstances, forgetting our need for God. When our faith is tested, it is during these moments that we discover our need for entire reliance on Him. James says that persisting through adversity produces a mature and complete faith.
But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing. James 1:4
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7
Fear
My next thought was one of fear which then caused anxiety about what was happening.
- I don’t want to die.
- What treatments will I need to have?
- How will they affect me and my family?
- How will I know what is the right decision is for me regarding treatment?
Fear may cripple even the most composed people, causing them to feel uncomfortable and insecure, but God reminds us in His Word that there is nothing to fear because of Jesus. Fear clouds your judgment and forces you to make decisions you wouldn’t have made if you were thinking clearly about the circumstance. When you don’t worry about the future and instead trust God, His peace begins to fill your mind, and His blessings begin to appear.
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. Proverbs 3:5-6
Be strong and of a good courage, fear not, nor be afraid of them: for the Lord thy God, he it is that doth go with thee; he will not fail thee, nor forsake thee. Deuteronomy 31:6
Anxiety
I began to get anxious, wondering:
- What was going to happen?
- How would I cope with everything?
- How will this affect my family?
- How will this affect my ministry?
The diagnosis of cancer can make you feel as though you have lost control of your life. One of the most difficult things to deal with is uncertainty about the future.
Recognizing when I am feeling this way can help, and concentrating on what I can change or control. For example, attempt to follow a regular routine. Make positive lifestyle adjustments, such as eating healthier, exercising more often, look for opportunities to be kind to others, simplify your life, etc.
Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me. John 14:1
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalms 46:1
Grief
I began to feel grief and loss over the life I had prior to the lightning strike. With the injuries I sustained, I could no longer lift heavier items (at first, lifting a gallon of milk would cause extreme pain and muscle spasms), I couldn’t do regular chores around the house, I had to ask my daughter for help to even do my own hair.
It’s critical to allow oneself to mourn these losses. Coming to terms with them can take time.
Thou art my hiding place; thou shalt preserve me from trouble; thou shalt compass me about with songs of deliverance. Selah. Psalm 32:7
My flesh and my heart faileth: but God is the strength of my heart, and my portion for ever. Psalm 73:26
Sadness
Sadness is a natural feeling when someone close to you is experiencing a hardship. You may be grieving the way cancer has changed your day-to-day life, your body, or your future.
Everyone has good and bad days. You will not feel happy or positive all the time. If you continue to feel sad for long periods of time, it’s important to seek wise counsel or talk things out with a godly friend.
The righteous cry, and the Lord heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles. The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Psalm 34:17-18
Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. Philippians 4:8
Loneliness
Cancer, a chronic illness, or any type of hardship, can feel isolating, even when you have many people to support you. You can feel lonely because you are having difficulty expressing how you’re feeling, if others have trouble understanding your diagnosis or lack thereof, or your decisions on what treatments to pursue, or even because you just don’t have the energy to enjoy your usual activities.
People might not be aware of everything you have to do. It could be helpful to explain this to them. Because when we recognize that loneliness is unavoidable at times, our greatest plan is to combat it rather than reject it. We may embrace our relationship with God, allow God’s Word to fill our hearts and thoughts, and engage our Christian friendship community. We can also find solace in the fact that we are not alone. Even Bible heroes like King David and the prophet Jeremiah experienced loneliness at some point in their lives.
One way you can show your love for the Lord is by being sympathetic and loving to everyone you encounter on earth. Even simple acts can have a big impact. Be willing to share, with discernment, what God has done with those he brings into your life.
But to do good and to communicate forget not: for with such sacrifices God is well pleased. Hebrews 13:16
Let your light so shine before men, that they may see your good works, and glorify your Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16
Loss of Control
It can be difficult to cope with the lasting side effects of an injury, a chronic illness, or the news that you have cancer. It may feel as if you are losing control of your life. This can be challenging, especially if you are used to being independent and taking care of everyone else.
It is beneficial to help you gain control by learning about your injuries, illness, or type of cancer and developing a strategy for dealing with the side effects. It is important to become an advocate for your own health. It is also important to work on healing of all areas of your life, including emotional, spiritual, and physical.
Learn to accept the difficult trial that God has allowed you to go through and do not set a deadline for Him to remove it.
Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour: 1 Peter 5:8
But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
Overwhelmed
We all feel overwhelmed at times. For some people, the feeling of being overwhelmed by their circumstances might lead to severe anxiety or panic attacks.
When we are feeling overwhelmed, we must acknowledge and accept God’s sovereignty, rely on God’s strength, and pray for peace, knowing that He has promised to help us in our time of need.
God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. Psalm 46:1
For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7
Uncertainty
Feeling uncertain about how you will cope and adapt to your circumstances can cause confusion and doubt. You begin to wonder how you are going to deal with all the parameters of the situation.
It’s easy to doubt that God is truly with us when life feels uncertain. However, the same God who is with us during the good times is also with us during the bad times.
Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you. 1 Peter 5:7
For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end. Jeremiah 29:11
Resentment
The Miriam-Webster dictionary defines resentment as “a feeling of indignant displeasure or persistent ill will towards something regarded as a wrong, insult, or injury.” Most people have experienced resentment at some point in their lives.
Resentment has no place in a Christian’s heart. It can cause anger, bitterness, jealousy, frustration, and malice to grow in our hearts. The Bible in James 3 tells us to let go of any bitter thoughts or resentful feelings towards others.
Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamour, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice: And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you. Ephesians 4:31-32
But the God of all grace, who hath called us unto his eternal glory by Christ Jesus, after that ye have suffered a while, make you perfect, stablish, strengthen, settle you. 1 Peter 5:10
Guilt
Feelings of guilt are common. You may feel guilty about:
- Finding it hard to cope
- Feeling like a burden to your friends or family
- Feeling resentful that your own needs are not being met
People with cancer or long-lasting injuries or a disability often express their concern for those they love and feel guilty for putting them through such a difficult period.
Guilt and guilt feelings are not synonymous, as many people are guilty of things for which they have neither sorrow nor guilt. It is also possible to feel guilty even when no wrongdoing has occurred. The human spirit is complex, and what we feel does not necessarily correspond to what is true due to our sin and limitations.
Guilt prevents us from reaching our best potential in serving God. Our adversary’s main goal is to keep us from serving the Lord. We must repel the fiery darts by erecting a shield of faith based on our Savior’s act of redemption on the cross.
Accept forgiveness from God. Allow Him to cleanse you. Commit to living in accordance with God’s Word and the Holy Spirit’s leading.
Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. Ephesians 6:16
How much more shall the blood of Christ, who through the eternal Spirit offered himself without spot to God, purge your conscience from dead works to serve the living God? Hebrews 9:14
Fatigue
Fatigue is a state of excessive exhaustion or energy deficiency. It’s something that sticks with you even if you get enough sleep.
Weariness from cancer or chronic illness is common. This type of fatigue is different from the fatigue of daily life caused by work or activities. Resting as needed is necessary, but it will not make the symptoms go away, and even a small amount of movement can be exhausting.
Fatigue can:
- Vary from day to day
- Be overwhelming and make it hard for you to feel well
- Make it difficult for social activities
- Make daily chores difficult to complete
Suffering is a mystery in many ways that we can never fully comprehend this side of Heaven. We can, however, learn truths from God’s Word. If we allow it, fatigue and suffering can generate the following:
- A connection with God
- Equipping us to comfort others
- Refinement
- Spiritual growth
- Conforming to God’s image
We can seek God through His Word and in prayer. When we do, we will find Jesus. Remember, He understands and is aware of our feelings and our emotions.
But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. 2 Corinthians 1:4
But he knoweth the way that I take: when he hath tried me, I shall come forth as gold. Job 23:10
Insomnia
Insomnia is the inability to fall or stay asleep on a regular basis. Insomnia can strike anyone at any time, and can be caused by a variety of circumstances. In the Bible, insomnia is commonly associated with worry (Daniel 2:1), anxiety, and sin (Proverbs 4:14–16). The sin can be the cause of insomnia rather than the insomnia itself.
Once we can identify the source of the restlessness, we may address the issue to strive to resolve it. The Bible does not address insomnia directly but it does provide answers to some of the factors that can contribute to it. When we identify what is causing insomnia, we can then apply God’s solutions.
1. Worry is one of the major causes of insomnia. “How am I going to handle this?” “What are we going to do moving forward?” “How can I ask my family for help when I don’t even know what I need for help?” “Will my family be supportive of my treatment choices?” “What can I do naturally to combat it?” We often lie awake in bed attempting to fall asleep, but our minds race with ideas while we try to solve problems on our own.
My thoughts were scattered in the months following my lightning strike. I couldn’t figure out what was going on, let alone how to articulate how I was feeling or thinking. This caused a lot of undue stress.
Meditating and applying Scripture to our troubling situations can help reduce the anxiety that keeps us awake at night. Jesus reminds us in Matthew 6:25-34 that He already knows our need, that He will provide, and that we should focus on heavenly things rather than earthly concerns.
- Anxiety is defined by Webster as “an apprehensive uneasiness or nervousness usually over an impending or anticipated ill : a state of being anxious”. It is often accompanied by emotions of anxiousness and helplessness, but unlike worry, it is not usually focused on a specific issue. Worry is a concentrated focus on a seemingly overwhelming situation, whereas anxiety is like an unpleasant fog that settles on anything at hand. Both can keep you awake and keep you in a condition of sleep depravity.Philippians 4:6 is a popular referenced verse for anxiety. “Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.” Anxiety is a mental distraction that makes it difficult to focus on anything for extended periods of time, even sleeping. When we lay our anxieties at Jesus’ feet and let go, He promises peace that we could never accomplish on our own.Praying, worshiping, and reflecting on Scripture can help us make the most of those nights when we can’t sleep. If Satan is obstructing restful sleep, he will not enjoy that approach to insomnia and may cease his attack. We can trust that whatever sleep we get will be adequate for the day ahead if we have a clear conscience and have given our anxieties to the Lord.
I will both lay me down in peace, and sleep: for thou, LORD, only makest me dwell in safety. Psalm 4:8
Rest in the LORD, and wait patiently for him: fret not thyself because of him who prospereth in his way, because of the man who bringeth wicked devices to pass. Psalm 37:7
Anger
It’s natural to be upset after suffering an injury, being chronically ill, or receiving a cancer diagnosis. While I didn’t ask God, “Why me?” I have thought “I’m already dealing with the effects of the lightning strike. I don’t want to deal with this cancer too.”
Anger is not in and of itself a sin. It’s a red flag suggesting something is wrong and needs to be corrected. It’s vital to remember that anger may be beneficial when used correctly.
Denying a wrong, becoming impatient, fury, rectifying past wrongs, and holding on to grudges are all examples of how anger may be misused. When you react in this manner, you know your anger has become sinful.
When you’re angry, think about why you’re angry, and then pray for God’s help in responding biblically. Analyze your circumstances, examine yourself, and work towards improving your spiritual health. If you need help responding appropriately, spend time praying and reading your Bible.
Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath: Neither give place to the devil. Ephesians 4:26-27
Cease from anger, and forsake wrath: fret not thyself in any wise to do evil. Psalm 37:8
Doubt
There is much controversy as to why God would allow suffering. Romans 12 tells us “Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:” Chronic illness, pain, and disease are all part of the consequences of sin passed down through the generations.
Nobody is immune to doubt. Doubt can make us wonder if He truly cares and make us wonder, “How am I going to handle this?”
Remembering our blessings is the most effective strategy to overcome doubt. Accept the challenge and trust that God is watching over you.
What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee. In God I will praise his word, in God I have put my trust; I will not fear what flesh can do unto me. Psalm 56:3-4
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. Hebrews 11:1
And of some have compassion, making a difference: Jude 1:22
P.S. I have created a quick reference chart for dealing with Emotions versus the Biblical Perspective and a couple of corresponding Scriptures. There are two verses listed per emotion, which can be used for your monthly Scripture Journaling.
https://charitymaeprosper.com/wp-content/uploads/2022/05/Emotions-vs-Biblical-Perspective.pdf
Music: Where Is Your Heart? by Sarah Teague
Lightning Strikes – Journal Entries 20-21 June 2020
June 20
745 woke in much pain. Joe heard me groaning. Decided to give massage. Muscles very tight and aching. Feel beat up. Guess walking Sam’s was not such a good idea. Verdict much pain later.
830 Need to get house ready for company. Got whole family to help. Yay!
1150 able take Ava back to Lawana’s house. Glad her surgery went well. Her daughter here to stay with her a few days.
1230 lunch at mom’s & watch a girly movie. Nice change of pace. Burnt 2nd bag of popcorn. Bummer. Tummy bothering me.
310p need to crash for little bit.
500p Joe woke me so I’d sleep tonight. Probably could have slept longer. Need to work on bulletin
1030 tired. Hurting all over. Neck hurts. Headache. Low back & rt hip ache. Throat feels swollen. White patches on tongue. Tongue feels slightly swollen. Difficult swallowing without choking some. Sinus congested. Hands & wrists throbbing. Neck feels like it’s sticky. Lower lft leg tourniquet tightening feeling with some numbness. Feet cold. Toes tingly. Sharp pain at back of neck. Nerves making skin feel like it’s crawling. Took Benadryl instead of Zyrtec tonight with night meds & naproxen.
Sharp shooting pain in arms & hands. Center chest hurting. Pain in esophagus. Upper shoulder pain. Ears hurt.
June 21
730 back is hurting. Woke from bad dream. Headache. Legs ache. Hands throbbing. Whole body aches. Slight bloody nose.
800 realized I don’t remember where I put the father’s day cards I bought. Can’t even think where I might have put them. Ugh. I’ll find them when I least expect it. Lol.
830 decided to curl edges of hair for church. Arms fatigued out about half way through. 930 got extremely sleepy all a sudden. Having trouble keeping eyes open. I don’t get it. I took B complex but no energy. Guess need to increase it for a time or add additional B12.
1100 feet started sweating while playing piano. Had to take shoes off. Still struggle playing and staying focused. Face itching horribly.
330 took hour nap still tired but couldn’t sleep anymore
950 exhausted. Whole body aches. Face still itches irritability. Eyes watery. Low back throbbing. Rt hip hurts. Feet ache. Hands throbbing. Skin itches all over (probably nerves). Lower lft leg tourniquet tightening feeling not too bad just noticeable. Sore on side of neck is burning. Headache. Feet cold.
1125p Applied pain roller to bottoms of feet & sleepy lotion to legs, arms, tummy, and hands. Put socks on.
Lightning Strikes – Journal Entries 18-19 June 2020
June 18
730a woke hurting and stinging all over. Hurts to move.
Read Proverbs 4 & 18:10. A new friend shared 18:10 earlier. It has been such a balm to my soul this week.
400 called Dr this morning. Spoke with nurse. I should’ve asked to talk with her first. Explained what happened. She asked for correct rx info and called in. Also called in rd for junk on neck.
Found out that we have missionary incoming tonight at church. Jakob helped me keep from getting overdressed. Joe offered to pick up dinner on way to church from work. Don’t need to prep mission housing. Whew!
Picked up rx and few goodies for missionary kids and this weekend.
I totally forgot about the men’s outing at our home this weekend. At least I have fresh corn in freezer. Need to think of one more side & dessert.
730 trouble playing piano, rt hip throbbing with pain shooting down leg, severe pain/cramping in rt lower stomach area.
1047 Ava picked up to dog sit. Poor thing is scared. Her momma was scared too. She’s having pacemaker surgery early in the morning. We visited a little while & prayed with her. I saw the fear in her eyes. I tried to comfort her but almost started to cry with her. Stupid Covid junk won’t let anyone be at hospital with her. Lord please comfort her heart & give her big hugs tonight.
Totally forgot about biz mtg tonight. I was suppose to pick up Ava at 8:30p. Not gonna happen. Ugh.
Ache all over. Severe pain in lower rt stomach area with occasional sharp stabbing pain. Applied eo pain roller & took naproxen. Low back throbbing. Hands throbbing. Bangs are bothering me tonight. Skin extra sensitive. Toes tingly. Feet ache. Lower lft leg slight tourniquet tightening feeling.
June 19
100 Joe & I went to Sam’s to pick up some things for tomorrow. Had to walk behind buggy. Slow moving. Took several breaks. Towards end of trip legs got extremely heavy feeling and my pace extremely slow. Joe very patient with me and I am grateful. I did manage to accomplish a feat though.
Turned head too fast by bakery got dizzy and almost lost my balance. Thankfully, I was close to buggy and could grab it to catch my balance. Joe saw and reached out for me and asked if I was okay. Told him what happened.
430 worked on planning school year calendar plus planning out lessons for one subject. Need to buy map project book for history. Brain overstimulated. Brain fogging & swirling. Need to take break.
530 laid down for nap. Could have slept longer.
620 time to get ready for Jordon’s early surprise party from his grandparents.
1045 while I didn’t get as much done as I’d liked, I did get trash can area cleaned up somewhat. Washed load of towels. Washed a few dishes. Had to rest in between each task.
Lawana did well on surgery. Hoping she will go home tomorrow.
Medium headache. Sinus congestion. Skin itches. Neck hurts. Low back & rt hip hurt. Legs ache. Hands ache. Exhausted. Feet cold. Insides feel swollen. Bloated. Tourniquet tightening feeling lower lft leg.cache.
Lightning Strikes – Journal Entries 16-17 June 2020
June 16
1040 last batch of corn in canner. Car in shop (CV shaft?), A/C went out & waiting for repair man to get here. I’m fading fast. Whole body throbbing. Preliminary tentative school schedule done. Crashing for little while.
1100a It was short lived. Fell asleep for 5 minutes only to be woken by phone call and shortly thereafter the AC guy showed. Guess I’m not getting that nap.
300p Have prelinary tentative school schedule planned but need to ask Joe’s input. My brain & body quite foggy & lethargic today. I guess everything is catching up to me.
Car ready for pick up. I’m to meet Joe at shop on his way home from work. Going to rest a little more. Absolutely no energy.
It’s amazing how spending time in the Word anchors your soul.
Amazing that Jesus’ name is a strong tower. Proverbs 18:10.
Today what could’ve been an overwhelming stressful day has not disturbed the peace in my soul. Car in the shop & is going to cost a pretty penny. While canning last of corn, my hands started cramping badly and I had to ask for help. A/C died sometime in the night and have to get that fixed today & another chunk of $ to fix. Also I’m quite lethargic today and feeling kind of blah. Can’t seem to get the unction in my junction.
Yet there’s a peace in my heart that the world never give me and a peace it cannot take away.
1024p whole body throbbing. Stinging needle pain in upper back. Hands & wrists swollen and throbbing. St hip & low back throbbing. Joe’s arm over me feels like that too. Nerves crawling.
1059 center of chest throbbing.
June 17
Very rough night. Scared out of sleep by a nightmare at 1am.
Scared out of sleep again at 3am box fan messing up and Joe almost dropped it making loud noise.
730 Whole body throbbing. It hurts to move. Almost as if the sudden jolting from the scares last night caused my muscles to contract in to fight or flight mode. Will take hot shower to ease muscles. Think I’ll have to look up how to make my own eo shower cubes for relaxing.
Arms fatigued out while showering. Soaked in hot water until energy regained.
1017a rcvd phone call from pharmacy that my order was ready. Cost $85. What?! It’s never cost that much. Will have to check on it.
1045 Taking Rae to eye Dr. This covid scare is so stupid. Have to put on face masks before entering bldg but I didn’t cover nose (can’t breath). Once inside entrance they took our temp. Then instructed to go wash our hands before checking in. Check-in nurse told me to read the hippa notice to left except when I went to read it the paper was the financial statement. I tried to let her know and it just confused her. Guess no one pointed that out before. Once read I had to sign tiny screen but it after she wiped pen with disinfectant wipe. Then she wiped counter down again after I went to sit down. This scare has people being germaphobics. I’m so over it all. Haven’t worn a mask til today. Only doing so bc Rae needs glasses. This is giving me a headache.
1125 mailman just entered bldg without a screen check bc girl wasn’t at desk?
130p stopped at pharmacy in my rounds today. It’s not even the correct rx. I told lady yday the exact name and dosage (propronolal) and that it was for my migraines. The rx called in was eletriptan 15 pills – that’s not even a month’s worth. Told pharmacist that I’m not getting it and I’ll have to go round with my doctor. Ugh! So frustrating.
Looked up rx name to see what it was. It’s totally wrong rx. I need preventative not emergency relief. Ugh! Other names for this rx include maxalt didn’t work. I have emergency rx which new Dr wrote script for that is working. Guess I’m gonna have to go have a talk with Dr. I only have two weeks left of current script.
I remember trying to wean off the propronolal but the results weren’t very pretty and migraines increased. Not that I like having to be on them but for now they’re a necessity. Ugh!
700 nerves thru body stinging. St elbow throbbing. Headache. Neck hurts. Chest hurts. Feet cold and achy. Lights bright. Hands throbbing. Grumpy. Legs ache. Muscles randomly twitching thru legs mostly.
1030 got into big argument with Joe. Apparently I’ve been complaining but getting upset when he does it. I had to have him explain what he thought complaining was because I didn’t think I was. He also told me that I’m bitter and angry. I don’t know how I can be those things when I don’t even remember what was upsetting me in first place. I usually just pray and ask God to help me. I tried doing that tonight bc I was getting frustrated bc I couldn’t wrap my mind around what he was trying to say. It just wasn’t making sense to me. I closed my eyes to keep from crying and ask God to help me understand so we can do better. Yet he perceived that I was just tuning him out and not caring what he had to say.
He gets frustrated because he has to repeat things multiple times and sometimes I remember and lots of times I don’t. Then when he brings it up I don’t remember discussing it and say we didn’t and this frustrates him even more. We’ve gotta figure out how we can overcome and adapt but I’m not sure how at this moment.
I comprehend my memory issues or lack thereof is from the lightning strike but I don’t understand why I don’t remember some things while I remember other things. It frustrates the whole family.
We eventually worked through it and are okay now.
1056 exhausted & hurting but overall had a good day. Headache.
Eye Dr visit, Mall Trip, treated kids to lunch at Chick-fil-A, stopped at store for few groceries.
