Life is hard. Kindness, courage, and love will help you prosper.
Author: Melissa
Hello, my name is Melissa. I grew up as a pastor's kid and am now a pastor's wife. I'm married to Joseph Smith, who is the Pastor of Pine Air Baptist Church in Grand Bay, AL. We have three miracle children here on earth and two in heaven.
As of July 18, 2017, God graciously allowed me to survive being struck by lightning. Five years later on March 31, 2022, I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer HER2+ and HER2-. Today, I can say, together with God's help, I am an OVERCOMER!
Because He lives and His mercies renew every morning, I can say I am a Lightning Survivor, Cancer Warrior, and Daughter of the King!
8:00- headache oncoming, rt hip & low back aches, face hurts
12:15p- just folded load of clothes from yday. My arms especially rt arm started cramping pushed thru until load was folded. Rt arm burning cramping, out of breath and exhausted. Time to rest til cramping subsides.
4:30p- put clothes away. Remembered I needed to shred chicken for dinner. By time I get chicken shredded my back throbbing and shoulders burning. Need to lay flat to rest back a while.
6:00p- muscles twitching in lower lft leg outside
7:45p- stomach cramping and hurting
8:30p- lower back really throbbing. Heating pad applying.
10:15p- doesn’t seem as if heat is helping…hard to think strait hurting this bad. Sipping chammomile tea.
August 28
5:00a- stomach and back cramping/throbbing most of night. Fell asleep doing breathing exercises. Tossed and turned most of night trying to get remotely comfortable.
6:00a- cramping has eased some. I hurt horribly from head to toes. Feel like I was beat up. Hurts to move. Sinuses congested severly. Trouble breathing.
8:00a- headache, feet tingly lft more than right, lower lft leg just above ankle tourniquit tighten feeling, hands swollen and achy, eyes watery, center of chest aches
Going to see if hot shower will help.
2:00p- PT study went well. There were 10 advanced neuro physical therapy students in the class today. Their assignment was to do an inital evaluation to determine what was wrong and different injuries. It was quite interesting and challenging at times.
I brought my usual paperwork that I bring to new apts but gave at end of class. They were amazed but very thankful that I chose to participate.
They even challenged me…asked me what my goal was in all of this. I wasn’t sure how to answer. Told them to be able to do more physically bc I’m not able to do half of what I used to and to be able to encourage others to get the help they need.
They will meet with professor (my physical therapist) tomorrow to discuss they’re prognosis and come up with action plan.
Friday they will finish up testing they weren’t able to complete today and discuss action plan with me. I will ve able to give my input as well.
11:50p- I’m exhausted and hurting all over. Migraine included. Rx taken. Hope to sleep some tonight.
7:00a- alarm goes off. I’m in much pain especially my lower back. First thoughts why does it have to hurt so bad?!
8:48a- still in lots of pain. Had to get daughter to help curl back of hair as my arms already cramping. Just want to lay down til pain goes away. On positive side, migraine has eased some though still have a headache.
11:30- Reni made my day. She decided to sit with me during church. She paitently waited until I was done playing piano then scooted to snuggle next to me once I sat down. Decided to take pic and noticed our toes were painted same color.
Decided to make list of items that I see need to be done around church so 1. I can feel like I’m getting something done, be focuzed on what needs done, and 2. I can delegate help when people ask to help.
A lot of times when when people ask how I’m doing I really don’t know how to answer. I’m always in pain sometimes more than other times. It’s hard for me to know where I’m at compared to where I’ve been because of my memory until I refer to my notes. When people ask how they can help I’d not sure how to answer. Sometimes I don’t know how to help myself because I’m uncertain on what exactly is going on. To be frankly honest, I’m finding to relearn how to do lots of things. Some is due to the fact that I’m limited in physical function. The muscles on my rt side have become weak and cramp easily at the simplest chore. I’m having to learn how to go about daily chores in differents. It’s almost like learning how to be left handed instead of right handed. Yet even then I face challenges bc if I do too much I cause severe muscle and cartlidge inflammation in my chest which is very painful and puts me down for days sometimes weeks.
Planning meals has been quite difficult. I have trouble making decisions. I’m unsure if the family is going to like it. I don’t even remember if I like it half the time. My taste buds have changed. My husband is having to relearn me bc things I used to like I don’t like anymore. I don’t even remember what my favorite meal was prior to strike.
I remember that I like strawberries and still do. I loathed the color yellow. Now I like sunflowers but I still dislike yellow – go figure?
Basically, I’m learning to rediscover myself all over again. It’s frightening and exciting and overwhelming at times all in one package.
Sometimes I feel like a new child discovering all the different things in the world for the first time again. Sometimes I get frustrated because I know in my brain I should know things already (how to cook, how to clean, balance checkbook, name of objects, etc.), but for some odd reason I just can’t remember it. Sometimes my mind is just blank and I have no clue what I’m suppose to be doing.
I’ve been trying out avenues of meal plans to simplify that part of taking care of the home. Right now I’m working on planning a six week rotating schedule. Having a meal schedule not only helps me know what I plan to have for that day but also what items I need to have on hand for that week.
10:09p- severe cramping under rt rib!!!!
Pic insert x2
August 26
6:00a- pain in back pulsating like bad toothache. Lights bothersome. I hurt all over. Sinuses congested. Eyes watery. Weird dreams.
9:30a- chilling in livingroom Jordon asks me about how long my apt would be. Oh, no! I totally forgot about it lost track time. I’m going to be late!!! Ugh!
11:06- PT tested gait walking. I have improved speed by .7 millimeters per second. I don’t recall all she said but that’s a good bit of increase since starting PT in end of May. Thank you, Lord!!! Something about it decreases chances of falls and improvement of well being. She’s adjusting pt exercises to help with coordination skills bc they’re quite lacking presently.
Muscles in lower back aches and tingly.
12:20p- I’m exhausted and hurting all over. Just tried to move bed out from wall so can put headboard at head of bed. Had to ask Jordon for help. Don’t have right kind of rails to attach head and foot boards. Looks good though. Wish I could remember what she said about the gate speed thing.
1:09p- center of chest rt side hurting, low back throbbing, hands ache
10:40p- lower back & rt hip throbbing, stinging needle pain in lft thigh, lower left leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness, chest aches, upper back & shoulders ache and hurt to move much, headache, hands swollen and achy. Skin extra sensitive to touch – hair on lft arm couldn’t see it but sure could feel it about drove me crazy until I could get it off me. Random muscle spams in legs.
Just remembered to order MSM. If only I could get relief from pain once in a while.
Happy October!!! I can’t believe Fall is here already. I love this time of year!
This week’s devo is “Where Do I Belong” written by Susie Montgomery! Please take the time to read as she shares her heart with us, and the troubles she had in the past with feeling like she just didn’t fit in as a Pastor’s Wife! I love this devo!
I hope that you have the best week ever!!!
Where Do I Belong – Susie Montgomery
For the last 21 years I have been married to a pastor. Through those years I have felt like I just don’t belong to the “pastor’s wives group”. I don’t perceive myself to be calm, sweet, or full of wisdom like I picture a pastor’s wife to be. Actually, I think I’m more energetic, opinionated and full of laughter. I know, not qualities that you expect from a pastor’s wife. I struggled with a feeling of belonging causing me to act and be someone who I am not. I suppressed my feeling of light-heartedness and tried not to laugh. “Be serious” I would tell myself. “People don’t want a silly pastor’s wife.”
Those years were sad for me. I didn’t laugh and have fun like the person I was created to be. Instead, I looked stern and tried to always have something important to say. I wore business-like clothes to church and volunteered as much as I could to not connect with people on a personal level. If they knew who I really was they wouldn’t like me, or worse, they would look for another pastor or church.
Through the years our great God has shepherded me to understand who He is and have an abiding love for His Word. I’d like to give you a little glimpse into that growing process and finding a true sense of belonging.
Belonging, defined by Brene’ Brown, is “Being part of something bigger than yourself. Because this yearning is so primal we often try to acquire it by fitting in and seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, byt often barriers to it.”
Our focus will be on Belonging to God and His family. But first, I have a bit of an “ugly Duckling” story. When I was in high school I overheard a boy named, get this, Balarama Warner- they called him Balls, call me the ugliest girl in school. Of course, I was devastated, but also thought “that was probably true”. Years passed, I went away to school, and came home for the summers to work. Guess who came to the store I was working at? Yep! Balls. He would flirt with me from time to time, until one day he finally asked me out. I relished this moment! I said, “You don’t remember me do you?” When I told him who I was, he had the audacity to say, “so, does this mean you won’t go out with me?” HA! That was a defining moment in my life. The boy, who called me ugly, was now wishing he hadn’t.
That story turned out ok, but those years I spent in high school thinking and believing I didn’t belong were painful. I hid in the bathroom stalls during lunch so that I wouldn’t have those hurtful experiences again. It is hard to see the creation, which God called “very good”, being good to that high school girl. In Genesis 3:8-24 we understand that the original sin of Adam and Eve brought a curse of God’s good creation.
Sin Causes: us to hide ourselves, separation from loved ones, pain, and death. When we sin, we hide. We’re so afraid that there may be something about me that, if people found out about it, I wouldn’t be worthy of connection. It is much easier to just hide. We hide behind pretending to be smart. We hide behind being busy. We hide behind trying to be super sweet. We hide!
Adam’s offence, in Genesis 3, leads to judgment, which leads to condemnation. We are ashamed! Christ’s act of righteousness brought a free gift, which leads to justification of life. Grace is God’s gift to undeserving sinners because of Christ’s act of righteousness.
While studying about belonging I came across several articles and talks by Brene’ Brown. She said this, “The people who have a strong sense of love and belonging are the people who believe they are worthy of love and belonging.” This sounds good. Right? Do you see where this conflicts with Scripture? My friends, We ARE unworthy! There is nothing good in us. God is completely justified in condemning us to an eternity in Hell.
Romans 8:1 can help us form a more scriptural approach to belonging. “There is therefore now on condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit” Could we rephrase the previous quote by Brown to say this, The people who have a strong sense of belonging, are the people who realize the price that was paid for them to belong! Christ’s act of righteousness brings true belonging. True belonging is being fully known and fully loved! There is only One who fully knows us, and we can be so thankful today that He also fully loves us! He demonstrated that love for us on the cross! His act of righteousness brought the free gift of a justified life.
No more do we live in condemnation! No more do we need to search for belonging! Those who are in Christ belong! Now that I belong to Christ, I bring the sense of belonging with me everywhere I go! No more hiding in bathroom stalls, no more hiding behind a fake me! I belong, and I want everyone else to have this same “belonging”. In 1942 Clayton Ellsworthwrote these words “ Now I belong to Jesus, Jesus belongs to me. Not for the years of time alone, but for eternity”! Let us go bring others to God and His family!
5:00a- I’m exhausted and hurting all over. Neck throbbing. Lower back throbbing. Sinuses congested. Blowing nose much. At least my chest pain has eased some. Used pain roller last night before I fell asleep. Hard to sleep when in so much pain. Strange dreams. Eyes watering. Stomach hurts.
Song on mind…♫Lord, I lift Your name on high Lord, I love to sing Your praises I’m so glad You’re in my life I’m so glad You came to save us You came from Heaven to earth to show the way From the earth to the cross my debt to pay From the cross to the grave From the grave to the sky Lord, I lift Your name on high Lord, I lift Your name on high.♫
8:20a- finally fell back to sleep. Overslept. Hurt worse.
10:47a- left foot and ankle numb and tingling
5:00p- cut my lft middle finger pretty good cutting the sausage to sauté. Ouch!
7:00p- center of chest stabbing pain. Chest hurts. Trying to play piano not using hurt finger isn’t easy. It hurts!
10:30p- jawline aches, upper lft shoulder stinging needle pain, lower lft leg numbish, achy, and tingly, neck hurts, rt ear aches, sinus congestion, headache, itchy skin, center of chest stinging, sharp, pain, legs throbbing, rt side aching, headache
4:15p- getting closer to putting things together for the Appreciation Sunday. Dropped off fliers at the Fire Dpt & Police Dpt.
Couple of restaurants are donating to help. One not exactly what we were wanting but we can make it work. Stopped at store for tp & shells. Hit my head getting out of car. Made my headache worse.
Stopped at Dr office to pick up bp rx. Dr signed me up for patient assistance program. If it weren’t for that I wouldn’t be able to afford it. (Even with GoodRx coupon it would cost me $200+ monthly. Choke! Choke!)
Thank the Lord for His provisions.
Laying down to rest a piece. I’m wore out from running errands.
9:27p- rt side cramping off an on most of afyernoon. Now back and shoulders cramping. Exhausted. Neck throbbing. Headache. Lights bothersome. Rt ear hurts. Hands swollen and achy. Lower left leg numbish and aches. Center of chest stabbing pain. Applying pain roller & heating pad.
August 24
6:30a- woke to stinging throbbing pain in lower back.
7:00a- stinging needle pain in upper back and shoulders, headache. Think I may need migraine rx.
10:30a- chest center pain not letting loose, headache makes me wanta cry. Migraine rx taken not helping. Severely congested. Laying down in darken nursery room. Wearing sunglasses indoors. Wish I had a heating pad at church.
Stubbornness mingled in pain sometimes is not good combination. Probably should’ve stayed home. Gonna try to pray for those going out.
What am I suppose to learn in this? How can I overcome?
Ringing in my head. Burning chilling pain (almost as if I applied icy hot) my chest. Gas in my belly. Gurgling sounds in my esophagus. Lower back & rt hip throbbing. Shoulders & neck hurt.
Going to try to play music to drown the ringing noise.
Fell asleep. Woken by phone call x3. Joe picking up lunch.
12:30p- felt little better after eating. Sharpened pencils to put in pews. Pencils donated. Thank you, Lord. Put some supplies away.
1:05p- hurting more. Time to lay down a while to rest.
8:22p- thanks to Dezirae’s help able to get bulletin done early enough to enjoy time with family. Feels nice on Saturday night. Emotional all over today.
11:53p- headache, rt eye hurrs, eyes sensitive to lights, indigestion, sinus congestion, whole body aches, face hurts, stomach hurts, cycle showed, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, exhausted, lower back throbbing, lower lft leg and foot tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness, rt ear hurts, eyes watery
11:15a- hiccups already in day one of homeschool. Desktop CD/DVD player not reading any discs whatsoever. Ugh! Follow all kinds of online instructions to no avail.
In middle of this my Mom pestering me about books I need to mail for my sister. She decides to help by coming over to take them to post office bc I can’t buy media mail postage online. Misplaced a textbook and can’t remember where I put it. Jordon trying to jog my memory by asking questions. Refuses to let me lift anything heavy. I know this is true but my stubborness wants to say No I can do it.
Stress doesn’t suit me. Middle of chest now is hurting and has icy burning sensation.
5:16p- Mom dropped off a store bought lasagna to help for dinner. Made homemade bread but the yeast never rose
11:18p- whole body hurts, hands swollen and achy, low back throbbing, center of chest throbbing, upper back stinging, stuffy nose, lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling,
August 20
9:00p- busy day. Food pantry a big blessing. School. Still can’t find textbook I misplaced and don’t remember where I put it. Headboard and footboard given and delivered to us. Answer to prayer. Feel like sinus infection oncoming. Short of breath easily. Lethargic. Severly congested. Blowing nose much. Sneezing much. Homemade Chicken noodle soup. Harvested Greek oregano. Went to store to get rx filled and few groceries. Former student now a store manager there. So happy for him.
Inflammation still much in center of chest. Limited activities. Cut son’s hair…in doing so my rt arm cramped up. Had to rest little bit before finishing up even then rt arm burning.
Stiff body upon rising. Sinuses amuck. Face hurts. Ears ringing periodically. Chest hurts. Lethargic. Exhausted. Hands swollen and achy. Rt ear hurts. Rt hip aches. Low back aches. Upper back stinging. Neck hurts. Limited turning range.
10:27p- trying to wait for oldest son to get home. My skin itches & muscles cramping. Lymph nodes on lft side neck swollen. Difficulty swallowing. Feels like meds got stuck in chest. Miss my little night light. Have to remember to grab it. Teeth hurt rt side. Nerve endings starting to feel like they’re on fire. Headache worsening.
August 21
5:30a- woke to terrible pain in lower back. Whole body achy and stiff. Head hurts but not as bad as last night.
10:00a- Co-op mtg today. Kids sign up for electives. I’m teaching ASL for 8th-12th grades.
3:00p- wore out trying to figure out where I put that textbook. Daughter’s been doing the lifting. Whole body aches. Upper body tensing. Neck hurts.
9:00p- Costocondritis trying to rear it’s ugly head. Heating pad & ibuprofen. Lower back throbbing. Headache. Whole body achy and stiff. Sinuses congested. Trouble swallowing. No PT exercises tonight…maybe just breathing.
10:00p- whole body hurting. Hands swollen, achy, numbish, tingling pins and needles thru body, feet hurt, lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling, shoulders stiff and burning, sharp pain shooting down lft side of torso, skin itchy, stomach hurts. Hey, hey, hey, at least my pain is letting me know I’m alive.
11:02p- becoming more clutsy. Just spilt my water on my night stand. Tripped over my feet getting up from dinner almost fell. Caught myself.
Deuteronomy 7:9 – Know therefore that the Lord thy God, he is God, the faithful God, which keepeth covenant and mercy with them that love him and keep his commandments to a thousand generations;
Are you wary about meeting new people or making new friends? I know that I am.
Due to past experiences, I am very cautious about making new friends. I tend to be very guarded at times because of the unknown and not wanting to get hurt.
Thankfully, there is One who always has our best interest at heart. He will never leave us nor forsake us.
Hebrews 13:5 – Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.
Sadly, we tend to keep Him at arm’s length only calling on Him when we think we need His help. Or we call on Him when we have an urgent need.
It’s hard to love someone you don’t know. In order to Fall in Love with Jesus, we must truly get to know Him.
Getting to know someone takes time and perseverance. Keep a positive outlook and enjoy getting to know Him by spending time studying His Word.
2am- jerked awake. Almost fell out of bed too close to edge.Pain increaseth. Ugh! Took pain rx.
4am- woken by stinging needle pain. Tried to look up how to reduce it so I could get back to sleep but couldnt focus eyes well enough to read. Drank glass of water. Deep breathing. Few PT exercises.
5am- alarm went off. Thought I hit snooze.
5:19a- Joe tells me it’s time to get up. Ugh! Need to take Jordon to work. Stepped wrong getting out of bed and sprained my left foot.
6:19a- home again. Stinging needle pain in upper torso and arms and hands. Laying back down hope to get little more sleep. Rt hip aches. Neck hurts.
11:27a- Joe calls says son forgot the check to get his twic card for his job. No happy camper. Day thrown off. Have to drive on interstate during busy time into area I’m not familiar with. Not suppose to finish sentence with preposition but unable to think how to reword sentence momentarily.
Mom calls to ask about coming over to help with upcoming event. Tell her I’m not home. Asks me to call when I get home.
Accident on exit I get off backing up traffic. Orange juice I drank at breakfast is not agreeing with me. Feel knot in stomach and not feeling too good.
Joe tried to tell me directions but it’s not registering. Put address in gps but it tells me to turn wrong way off exit. Have to turn around. Almost rear ended three times. Nerves are a muck. Trying to ease nerves by music on radio but songs not helping. Finally make it.
12:30p- finally make it home. My nerves are tingling all over. Need to sit and rest to ease nerves. Feeling exhausted like I’m going to crash.
Eat lunch – turkey & cheese rollup.
2:00p- Joe comes home tells me I need to call my Mom. I forgot to call.
I text her to let her know I need a nap and I’ll call her in a bit.
4:00p- knew I was exhausted but wow
5:00p- making cookies for friend who showed kindness recently as a thank you.
Making dinner. Not able to stand too long at a time without my back pitching a fit.
10:45p- stomach still upset. Hurting all over. Feels as if I may loose my cookies. Ugh!
Oh, man I forgot to pkg up cookies for shipping. Not sure if I’ll have time in am but I’ll try. Church activity tomorrow.
I wish I could have a day to rest from everything. I’m so tired. Headache.
11:15p- holy cow! A cricket is loud when it decides to perch on your night stand and sing. Scared me!
August 17
5:00a- woke to lower back and rt hip throbbing, stinging burning pain in upper back, rt wrist and elbow throbbing like I sprained them.
12:27p- got to share my praise about getting physical therapy with Pastor Dean Miller. He said it was amazing all the obstacles I’ve overcome already. He thanked me for sharing. Looking forward to hearing him speak in little bit.
1:15p- nerves stinging in arms, hands, and upper back. Took pain rx. Trouble with balance today. Seem to be more dizzy.
10:59- stomach and back cramping, lft lymph node on side of neck swollen, congested stuffy nose, lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness, back aches, rt hip throbbing
August 18
6am- tired. Crashed when I went to bed last night. Congested and stuffy. Face itches. Bad taste in mouth. Thirsty. Feet hurt. Low back aches. Rt hip aches. Ears hurt.
7a- had to use lint roller on blouse. Just doing that cause upper rt arm to cramp and shooting pain in whole arm. Have to rest it a little bit so I can get ready for church. Used pain roll on.
Dizzy.
9:40a- neck popped. Neck hurts. Feeling weird inside my brain. Not sure how to explain. Brain kind of swimming. Dizzy more.
Tripped over my feet and almost fell. Ugh!
10:26a- chilling burning sensation in middle of back of head down to center middle of neck and back. Eyes feel very heavy trouble keeping awake. Sleepy all of sudden. Don’t feel right.
1:30p- as I was preparing lunch, had to sit and close my eyes bc I couldn’t go anymore. Having friend for lunch but struggling to be hospitable bc trouble keeping eyes open. Serving lunch it started to rain a little. I wonder if that has anything to do with this disabling feeling oversweeping me.
Crashing oncoming to overcome.
4:00 Joe came to wake me. Scared me in process as I opened my eyes just as he was coming in room. Wasn’t expecting movement and it startled me. He giggled bc he did exact opposite of what he was trying not to do. Still very tired. Feel drained. Lft arm completely numb when I woke.
Head hurts, neck hurts. Rt hip & lower back throbbing. Stuffy nose.
5:30p- slight bloody nose.
6:00p- two kids sat with me during church. Gave them color sheets and crayons with which to color. One of girls decided to add to her page. She leans over and asks me what color I was. I chuckled and asked what color do you think I am? She says she didnt know. The other girl whispers, “silly shes tan!” I chuckled even more and said I’ll take that. Kids crack me up with sillezt things sometimes.
11:35p- I’m exhausted and hurting all over. Not mentally prepared for school to start tomorrow.
Mentioned to a lady that school starts tomorrow. Her response was “So your vacation is over.” I’m hoping she didn’t mean it the way it came out but let’s back this train up. What vacation? I’m never on vacation. We’re raising three children. Homeschooling two teens. Wife. Mother. Pastor’s wife. Lightning strike survivor with complex issues of recovery. Revitalizing a church. Where in there do I have time to be on vacation??? Let alone the money to even afford one??
Lord, please help first day of school to go smoothly. Thank you.
Freezing. Socks on feet to warm up. Exhausted and hurting all over. Took 1/2 muscle relaxer and pain rx. Need my sleep for tomorrow.
5:30a- pain all over body as if I’ve been badly beat up. Eyes watery. Stuffy nose. Toss & turn most of night trying to get comfortable. Random muscle spams thru body. Weird dreams.
10:20a- PT looked at progress so far even with the Costocondritis set back I’m still improving. That’s a relief. Exercises she’s having me do is for core strengthening and to ease the vertigo and headaches.
10:30a- Praise: My PT (physical therapist) has asked me to be part of a study with some of her students (could be up to 10). Since my case is so unique and complex, it’d be perfect to challenge their brains.
This is exciting for me because it’s getting the word out in the medical field for lightning survivors and their many complex issues they deal with afterwards. Praying that it’ll trigger medical interest in studying and helping more survivors.
11:50a- at TBI now, pt had me try new exercise. Boy oh boy my lower back is throbbing.
Ron told me he dropped off medical request personally at my old Dr office. He hasn’t heard anything, but when he gets copies of my medical records. He’s going to give me a copy of them. Old Dr office is being burger about releasing my medical records. Ugh!
2:50p- once again I’m stuck in a store bc of thunderstorm. Noticed a pattern. Just minutes prior to storm I get a wave of strange feeling (don’t know how to describe) and feel like I’m about to pass out. This happens before it’s raining.
My muscles have tensed up immensely. When lightning strikes I jump every time.
Currently sitting on floor behind buggy in front center aisle. Several people have asked if I was okay. Sweet. Explained to 2nd lady I was struck two yrs ago and just waiting storm out. A store employee asked if I didn’t mind if she asked how it happened. Told her. She said she wondered if it could do that. I told her it could.
3:40p- finally able to make it home. I need to rest a while. Exhausted. Drinking D.E. to help reduce inflammation plus it has host of other benefits.
5:00p- making dinner (salmon patties, yellow rice, & broccoli) is wearing me out. I ask Jakob to take his sister to vball practice so I can get some rest.
7:05p- While in livingroom, hear odd noise. Got up to investigate. Eventually located noise coming from bedroom. Alarm went off but it was seascape noise. It wasn’t very loud either. Don’t know how it got set to 7pm. Hearing is definitely magnified still. Wonder how I would do on a hearing test?
9:30p- I’m exhausted and hurting more. Took ibuprofen 800mg.
Took about half hour or so to fall asleep.
Don’t understand the tourniquet tightening feeling in middle of lower lft leg down to feet. Entire back throbbing especially lower back. Headache. Hands swollen and achy. Sinuses congested. Face hurts. Ringing in ears off and on.
While in livingroom hear odd noise.
August 14
7:00a- woke exhausted. Entire body hurts. Gotta work on healing the gutt brain barrier – just not too sure how to on a limited budget. Lord, please provide.
Entire back throbbing, hands and arms ache, chest aches and is tender to touch, neck hurts, sinuses congested, eyes watery, stomach aches, lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness, rt elbow aches,
Need to make list of things I need to get done today. Gotta do better on that. Working on a system for meal planning to make things simpler and easier for me. Brain gets going. Thinking I have all this to do and gets me overwhelmed bc my pace is much slower than used to be. Still working on finding the right balance for me. Summer slipped away and school begins next week. Oh, so much to do and so little time. Lord, I need thee every hour please help.
11:52p- got quite a bit accomplished today though still not ready for school to start Monday. Told Dezirae that first week we’ll have to work thru the hiccups.
Tomorrow is Joe’s spiritual bday. I’m surprising him with meatball subs for dinner. He’s been craving them. I don’t like ’em. Not fond of sub bread. It’ll have to be crockpot style bc we eat at church on Thursdays. Also going to have kids help me make peanut butter cake with peanut butter icing. Yum!
Whole body aches though I think the Ibuprofuen regimen and D.E. is helping reduce the inflammation. Chest still sore. Still not able to lift much or extinuate myself too much.
Headache, hands swollen and achy, scheduled apt with physical therapist for student lab sessions, shoulders tight and achy, back throbbing, lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling, didn’t get the weird sensation and passing out feeling when it thunderstormed today so that blows that theory out the water, stomach periodicall had sharp achy pains during day, muscles randomly spazzing thru body all day. Ringing in ears off and on. Chest starting to throb. Feet cold. Thirsty.
Thank you, Lord, for helping get done what was accomplished today. Thank you for reminding me to pay mtg.
August 15
7:45a- made peanut butter chocolate chip muffins for breakfast.
8:00a- decided I was craving eggs for breakfast. Cooked 2 eggs for myself. Kids can eat the muffins.
8:30a- went outside to check on tomato plant. Need to transplant it but can’t decide where. Decided to harvest my amaranth.
9:00a- son asked if I was going to food pantry today. Oh, I totally forgot about it!!
9:20- left for food pantry. At least I didn’t miss it. Ron (a tbi coordinator) was glad to see me. God provided apples. Dezirae has been asking for apples. Thank you, Lord.
1:00p- Muscles in upper torso feel tight and hurt so much that I feel like I’m crashing. Headache. Neck hurts. Rt hip throbbing with pain shooting down to rt knee. Toes tingling. Back aches. Muscle feel tight in torso. Hands swollen and achy.
Laying down a bit then need to make Joe’s birthday cake. Heating pad on back for 20 minutes. Took Ibuprofuen 800mg to ease inflammation and pain. I really need to get back on msm. Didn’t realize how much it was helping.
1:30p- printing something for business mtg tonight. Printer not cooperating! Ugh! Dezirae graciously agrees to make cake while I fuss with printer.
2:30p- made coleslaw for dinner. Had to have Jakob help cut cabbage head in half. Didn’t have enough strength to push knife thru. Using ninja blender to chop cabbage and carrots.
Poured filtered water into jugs. Rt arm is cramping. Dawns on me left side of brain was struck so my entire rt side is weak. Switch to lft hand to pour water into filter to refill.
Wash few dishes. My rt arm is now throbbing and hurts to move. Low back throbbing from standing too long.
Asked Dezirae to finish making the peanut butter frosting for cake. We’ll put it on at church to give cake time to cool.
Now need to lay down a piece for muscles to calm so I can keep going. There are days I get frustrated with not being able to do as I could. There are days I am just glad to still be alive.
Trying to teach myself how to type on phone with 2 hands…not doing too well especially with rt hand cramping. Thank the Lord for autocorrect.
I wonder how one drains the negative effects of lightning strike from the body? Is that such a thing?
6:45p- chatting before service. Mentioned I’m not sure I’m ready for school to start on Monday. Mom surprized Dezirae already has vball game on Monday though co-op doesn’t start til Sept. She tried to scold me for agreeing to start teaching ASL again. It didn’t work. I reminded her that Dr said that TBI patients need to challenge their brains to overcome. She didn’t like that too much. I’m not bothered. No ones going to always agree with what I do or how I do it but as long as my husband is okay with it and I have peace after praying about it – that’s what matterz. Besides, I know my students will be patient with me when I get flustered bc I’m having trouble with my brain to speak syntax. I will also have a mom friend as a helper who has been there for me since my lightning strike. I’ve got confidence my Lord will see me through. (I still have no clue how I made it thru that first year afterwards, but taking this last year off has been a BIG help too.)
8:30p- husband told me that one of his coworkers had oral surgery today. I thought that was interesting bc I felt God laid that person on my heart this morning so I took time to pray for this person though I didn’t know what going on. Person is doing well and should be able to return to work tomorrow. They said they could feel the prayers and was appreciative of them.
10:15p- need to have Jordon at work by 6am. I’m exhausted but wide awake. Hurting like crazy all over. Hard to get comfortable.
7:30a- fell asleep sometime after midnight. Woke arpubd 4am bc I was almost falling out of bed. Hard time falling back to sleep. Awake again at 7am.
I hurt horribly all over. Muscles randomly cramping thru body but concentrated in abdomen area. For while it felt like heart was fluttering evertime I took breath. Put hand there to feel muscles fluttering in that area. Severely congested and sneezy. Hurts to breath deep. Neck throbbing. Hands achy and swollen.
Song on heart this morning…
And Jesus said come to the water stand by my side I know you are thirsty you won’t be denied I felt every teardrop when in darkness you cried and I strove to remind you that for those tears I died.
Praying for a dishwasher. I can no longer wash dishes as it causes much pain and grief physically.
9:40- so tired, tummy hurts, ache all over
10:23p- mid lower lft leg numbish and aches, neck aches, rt hip throbbing, low back aches. I’m exhausted. Hope to sleep tonight.
August 11
Slept about 6 hours. Feel like I could sleep longer.
Having trying day. Forgot to make my energy drink. Forgot my church bag at home – it has my Bible and church bulletins. Ugh! Forgot to get grape juice for communion tonight service. Trouble talking. Equilibrium is very …I’m thinking squirrely but I know not rght wrd. Whatever the word my balance if off and my head feels like it’s being tossed to and fro on a stormy sea.
Forgot paper that I wrote songs I picked for offeratories for this week. I’m struggling to focus on walking and just being here today. I don’t know how to express what’s going on in order for people to understand my dilemma.
Song leader accidentally skips song. Routine thrown off. Flustered.
Forgot to give my husband the tithe check. Once I sit at piano to play, it takes all my energy to focus to play. If my focus gets broken it throws me off. Struggling to keep my dignity (composure)…just want to cry. Joe asks me about check. I answer but there goes my focus. I need to run hide to refocus but can’t. In middle of service. Ugh!
I mess up playing offeratory. Attempting to play and sing special today. Sound system too loud it’s hurting my ears. I say something and continue. I remember my piano teacher’s wisdom if you mess up while playing keep going. I mess up little bc I lost my place in music. I keep going. I want to cry but remain composure.
My neck, lower back, and rt hip throbbing. Nerve endings pins and needles dancing.
(as I read this article, my heart cried because I relate to many of symptoms stemming from the tbi. I know not severity or what part of brain was damage bc tests were not taken. I guess in a way I’m mourning the loss of my old self and struggling to figure new self out).
5:30p- Costocondritis rearing it’s ugly head. Center of chest stabbing pain from from to back. Tried to pop chest…only small pop…still throbbing stabbing pain. Take naproxen. Hope it takes edge off by start of church. No lifting for me for quite a while.
6:30p- didn’t make it thru whole song service. Pain so intense I wanted to yell. Told my husband I couldn’t do it anymore. Quit playing piano in middle of song and walked out of auditorium to nursery. Tried to get chest to pop but couldn’t. Mom came to check on me. Told her it’ll eventually pass but it’ll take time. Need to make Dr apt. May need steroids to reduce inflammation.
9:00- hurting so bad all over it hurts to move. Back is stinging. Chest pain much thru to back. Rt hip stinging throbbing.
Call into Dr. Talked with nurse. Waiting to hear if Dr wants to call in script or see me first.
Lazy day most of day. Had to take time apart to rest due to Costocondritis. Called Dr. Nurse called back. Said she’d put note into Dr to see what he wants to do. Nurse called back. Said Dr wants me to try Ibuprofen first before the steroids. Rx called in.
Taking Naproxen right now until I can get the Ibuprofuen.
Need to go pick up Rx & bsnk. Called Publix to see if rx was ready and how much. Rx 11 for 14 pills. Yikes. Can get store brand for 100/$2. Don’t think so. At least I know Dr wants me to try for a week before calling back.
Son tried to burn tea bags making tea bc he forgot about it. Almost caught them on fire. Came home to smoky house smells like burnt something. Yuck! Made him clean pan with baking soda and vinegar.
Mom came over to massage my feet. Area over right ring to was knotted indicating trouble with lungs area. Couple other tender spots but not like lung area.
Simple dinner – tuna casserole with peas and garlic bread.
I ache all over. Center of chest very tender and sore. Lower left leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness, legs ache like I tried to workout (I didn’t), feet ache, neck throbbing, stuffy nose, congested.
Started taking D.E. today. It’s suppose to help reduce inflammation. Would rather do it naturally as possible.
Got word that a friend was finally approved for disability today. Praise the Lord! Don’t know how it all works but happy for him.
10:00p- went to take pm meds/ vitamins. Accidentally took am ones instead. Ugh!
Hello Ladies!!! I hope you had a marvelous weekend! This week’s devo is “Busy for the Lord” written by Megan Monaghan. Please take the time to read as she shares her heart with us and shares some very needed wisdom! Hope you have a GREAT week!
Busy for the Lord
Every day of our lives we have tasks to accomplish; whether it is as a mother, a wife, a student, or a child. We as Christians must choose to accomplish these tasks with God on our side or with the world. Every day we have to wake up and make a conscious effort to follow God’s will or do things our way. As Christians, it’s so very important to allow God to lead us in our choices. The Bible says in
Ecclesiastes 9:10
Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might;
We are called to do all things “for the glory of God”. (1 Cor 10:31 “Whether therefore ye eat, or drink, or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.”). That includes working or anything else good that our “hand finds to do.” We should live this life to the fullest, in the presence of God, filling every minute here on earth with meaningful activity.
In Proverbs 16:27-29 it speaks about how idle hands are the devil’s playground –
This includes tasks such as mindless internet browsing, texting, and even gossip. Many times we don’t think about these areas as potential stumbling blocks.
Proverbs 16:27-29
27 An ungodly man diggeth up evil: and in his lips there is as a burning fire.
28 A froward man soweth strife: and a whisperer separateth chief friends.
29 A violent man enticeth his neighbour, and leadeth him into the way that is not good.
We must stay busy and use our time each day productively to His Glory.
The first part of Ecclesiastes 9:10 says, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do,”
Let’s find good godly things to do.
Christians should be busy. We, as women, have many talents; therefore, many people depend on us and those talents, so we must seek God in all we do and ask Him to guide our daily walk.
Proverbs 31:24-27
“She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchant. Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come. She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness. She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.”
To be successful with the things we do in life, we must consider planning our days, scheduling activities, learning time management skills, and learning to multitask but also to be sure not to get in over our heads… it’s ok to say no or to bow out of activities if we are overwhelmed! We are truly only one person ladies!
As Christian women, we are meant to work and take responsibility for what is given to us to steward.
1. Our skills; we should be willing to use our skills whether it be organizational skills, cleaning, or even a vocal skill for singing.
2. Able hands; if we have the ability to serve in any capacity, we should want to serve. We should never be too good to do something if it’s to serve the Lord.
3. Witnessing; we must share this wonderful gift God has given us with others. So many times I, as the wife, leave it up to my husband to speak to someone about the gospel, but I must remember that my experiences in life even before salvation might be what someone needs to hear to draw them to the Lord!
How can we seek God’s will and guidance on the things we do throughout our day? We must abide in him.
The Bible says in John 15:4-5, “Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in me.
5 I am the vine, ye are the branches: He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing.“
If we abide in Christ, then we will have things set before us by God to do for his glory and his purposes.
So, how can we best abide in God?
We can abide in Christ through praying and Bible reading.
Jeremiah 29:13, “And ye shall seek me, and find me, when ye shall search for me with all your heart.”
I want to share a story with you about a day in my life where the Lord reminded me that I need to begin my day in His word. That day I adopted Psalm 55:22 as my life verse.
Psalm 55:22 “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”
This particular day I was in a rush and didn’t take the time to get in my Bible, not even for the verse of the day on my Bible app. My husband and I had a conversation while I was at work, and it didn’t go well. I was upset and discouraged after that conversation. I decided to look up some verses of encouragement to try and get my day back on track. I came across this verse along with others, and it spoke to my heart. Later in the day, the argument arose again but became more heated. I was sobbing and decided to call a friend to seek some advice. She talked to me for a bit and said to me, “Have you been in your Bible today because you know you can give this to God and seek His word and He will help you through this.” I realized I needed to take a moment to get into my Bible and seek His will. When I opened my Bible app to begin my reading, the Verse of the Day was Psalm 55:22, “Cast thy burden upon the Lord, and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved.”
Had I been in my Bible that morning, I would have had this in my heart to start the day. I began to cry and called out to God and said… I hear you; I’m giving it to you.
God will carry us through our most trying times if we allow Him into our lives, and let Him!
God’s word tells us, “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me.”Philippians 4:13
We all know this verse, but it’s so true! We may struggle doing things on our own but if we seek God, He will help carry the load we are bearing.
Now let’s focus on the second part of the verse:
“do it with all thy might.”
Why do anything in a mediocre way? Wise people say, “If it is worth doing, it is worth doing right.” Add to that, “If it is worth doing, it is worth giving your very best.” Some people have a way of rationalizing mediocre work because people in today’s culture are plagued by a sense of entitlement. The thinking of society today is that unless you give me this much reward, I will only give you this much effort.
But that is not the way God intended His people to operate. If we are to be like Christ, we should seek to be excellent in our efforts, trusting God for the results.
Colossians 3:23-24 – “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men; Knowing that of the Lord ye shall receive the reward of the inheritance: for ye serve the Lord Christ.”
Be prompt in all things we do. Don’t procrastinate away your life thinking of what you intend to do tomorrow as if that could make up for the laziness or idleness of today.
Proverbs 13:4 – The soul of the sluggard desireth, and hath nothing: but the soul of the diligent shall be made fat.
No one ever served God by doing things tomorrow. If we honour Christ and are blessed, it is by the things which we do today. Throw your whole soul into whatever you do for Christ. Do not give Christ your leftovers, but serve Him with your heart, mind, soul, and strength.
James 4:17 – “Therefore to him that knoweth to do good, and doeth it not, to him it is sin.”
Let’s choose to stay busy for the Lord and stay in His word so that we can abide in him and live out this verse of the Bible, Ecclesiastes 9:10, “Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with thy might”
