Better or Bitter?

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Lightning Strikes Memoirs – 10-11 April 2021

April 10

330a severe thunderstorm woke me again. Nerves on fire. Thunder & lightning making me jump.

400 woken by severe thunderstorm. Nerves are very tight through body causing extreme pain!!! Trying prayer and hymns in my head

600a finally fell back to sleep for half hour then alarm went off ugh.

Bible Reading: 2 Samuel 19-21; Psalm 80

900a thunderstorm suppose to ease by 10 or 10.30a. Men have prayer breakfast today. Mom, Dezirae, & I going out for girl’s day.

300p I decided to push myself while out shopping with Mom & Dezirae instead of using wheelchair. Wanted to see how it’d effect me. I’m exhausted and getting sleepy.

400p came home and went straight to bed. Set alarm for one hour but apparently I shut it off bc next thing I know Joe’s waking me for supper at 7pm. Not feeling too well… grouchy and hurting. Indigestion is horrible.

Pushing myself that much is not good idea. I’m hurting much all over, groggy, exhausted, grouchy, miserable.

724 Holly calls to chat. I’m still trying to wake up. I chat the best I can but not doing so hot. I hand phone over to Joe. She agrees with Joe I did too much today.

1100 gone to bed but still awake. Indigestion is horrible. Took gerd rx, tums, and ginger chew over last few hours. Finally easing up. I feel like I was beat up. Will definitely be using wheelchair on our trip to see Jakob. Took night meds plus pain rx.

Center of chest sharp throbbing pain.

 

April 11

500a woke to nerves in body screaming in pain! Center of chest throbbing. I think why’s the costo flaring up? Then I remember that I worked in garden couple days ago. Ugh. Did too much walking y’day and I’m paying the price.

Bible Reading: 2 Samuel 22-24; Psalm 77:13-15;

600 wish I knew how to turn off the alarm on the clock. I goes off just as I’m dozing back to sleep and wakes me all over again.

1100 sharp shooting throbbing pain in forearms to elbows while playing piano. It’s bad enough I want to quit playing but I continue bc I know that music is important in worship.

Brain is getting blurry and aching. Makes it difficult to focus and coordinate my eyes, brain, and hands. Feels like brain is starting to swim in a myriad of numbers and letters trying to figure out which way is up. Momentarily forget tune of song and make mistakes. My flesh wants to throw my hands in the air and quit, but my spirit is willing to keep trying. I say quick prayer saying “Lord help.” Quickly the fog begins to fade away and I remember tune and am able to correct myself though I still fumble in spots through music. Thank you Lord.

530 choir practice was a chore. Brain blurry and I feel cross-eyed. Balance is off. Unable to focus enough to do word find in bulletin presently.

600p Joe told me to take break from playing

Had difficulty singing hymns at first. I couldn’t find the right note. Closed my eyes to visualize the correct note but not working well. Looked up to see Joe signing to me to sit down. Apparently I started wavering when my eyes were closed and didn’t realize it. Once I sat down and gained stability, I was able to hit the right notes. Hmm? Wonder if there’s any correlation?

After church, Joe picked up dinner from Zaxby’s so I wouldn’t have to cook. I adore his thoughtfulness sometimes.

Brain hurts. Headache. Whole body aches deeply. Hands swollen and throbbing. Nose itches. Rt ear aches. Sinus drainage. Back aches and stings. Low back throbbing. Rt hip hurts. Legs ache with periodic stinging and itching. Feet cold. Toes icy. Joe’s arm feels like lead balloon. Tummy bloated and hurting.

 

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Lightning Memoirs – 7-9 April 2021

April 7

700 bloody nose is precursor for a migraine?. Woke with migraine! Took relpax. Laid back down.

Whole body stiff and achy. Sinuses congested. Lft hand numb and tingly. Low back throbbing. Calves ache like I worked out too much. Feet hurt and tingly. Thighs ache. Vision blurry.

Bible Reading: 2 Samuel 8-12;

7:40 applying ice to back of head for migraine relief.

757a Taking 1 ginger capsule.

Migraine began easing within 20 minutes of taking ginger. Thank the Lord.

1000 attending funeral today have mixed emotions…sad because I’ll miss her…peace knowing she’s not going to suffer anymore and I’ll see her again someday. Frustrated bc of certain people’s fake facades knowing how they’ve been acting behind the scenes. Honored that the family wanted us to take part in the services. Anxious yet happy bc I’ll be seeing people we’ve not seen in a while.

Moderate headache. Neck hurts. Lights bothersome. Hands throbbing. Low back throbbing. Rt hip aches. Legs mid-calf and lower feel like they’re wrapped up tightly in barbed wire. Legs pulsating stinging throbbing pain. Eyes hurt. Tired. Brain is mush. Not speaking right…

 

April 8

330a woke with brain going 100 miles per hour. Keep trying to pray but my thoughts are too loud in my head. Head hurts.

My body stinging throbbing. When ever I heard the rumbling of the thunder it makes my nerves tense up and the pain increases.

Bible Reading: 2 Samuel 13-15;

4:18 electricity flickered just before lightning

700 finally fell back to sleep. Slept about an hour.

1200 took me over two hours to balance checkbook even with computer help.

530p headache increases and nose hurting then all of a sudden it starts bleeding

600 vision feels like it’s getting blurry and I’m getting really sleepy.

750 I’m having hard time keeping awake. Eyes are heavy. Head hurts.

 

April 9

500 woke to a migraine and a thunderstorm.

Took relpax. Can’t sleep. Whole body stinging.

Bible Reading: 2 Samuel 16-18

600 still wide awake. The pain is relentless and will not be ignored.

900a Dr apt. Computers are down. They’re having to do things old school – write it down on paper. Lol.

Bp 115/74 w211. Drs scale registering that I’ve lost 9 lbs. Yay!

Dr slowly coming around. Glad to hear of my improvements. Is okay with my experimenting with PEA and CBD oil w/out hemp. Blood work drawn and urinalysis. Rxs refilled. Says she’ll reduce the Dexilant from 60mg to 30mg. Follow-up in 6 months unless something comes up with labs.

350 homeschool Mtg with new cover school for next year went well. Dezirae excited. Ran errands for church. Stopped for treat at Marble Slab. Allergy symptoms as soon as I finished my ice cream. Definitely a milk intolerance. Still a nice treat.

Home and exhausted. Jordon sweet to help me out of vehicle so I don’t twist my knee again.

Lft knee hurts on top of everything else hurting. Migraine has eased but still have slight headache. Need a nap.

Laid down for about an hour. Didn’t fall asleep for long maybe 20 minutes.

Dezirae made dinner clam chowder and grilled cheese. Probably not a good choice with all that dairy products but it tasted good.

800 decided to take hot Epsom Salt bath. Soaked for an hour. Tired and ready for bed but indigestion is horrible and tummy hurts on top of everything else. Ugh.

 

♫ In the dark of the midnight have I oft hid my face

While the storm howls above me, and there’s no hiding place

‘Mid the crash of the thunder, Precious Lord, hear my cry

Keep me safe till the storm passes by

 

Till the storm passes over, till the thunder sounds no more

Till the clouds roll forever from the sky

Hold me fast, let me stand in the hollow of Thy hand

Keep me safe till the storm passes by ♫

As the thunder roars this morning, this song comes to mind and I’m thankful that my Lord keeps me safe amidst the storms in life.

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Lightning Strikes Memoirs – 4-6 April 2021

April 4

430a whole body stiff and achy. Headache. Eyes watery. Lights bothersome.

438a bloody nose

Bible Reading: Psalm 55:6-10; 1 Samuel 28-31;

800a morning meds & 1/2 dropper of cbd oil.  Morning meds currently consist of 1/2 Edarbyclor 40/20mg tab, Propranolol 20mg, Dexilant 60mg, vitamin C 1k mg, b12, b3, fish oil

830 I think everything is ready for today. Praying for visitors.

I’m ready for a nap.  Low back throbbing. Rt hand ad wrist swollen and throbbing.

348 I flat exhausted and can’t go anymore. Taking a nap. Tummy bloated. Sinuses congested. Post nasal drip. Slight bloody nose. Lft nostril partially blocked. Stinging thru whole body.

600p Joe woke me so I’d sleep tonight. Whole body stinging and I’m still tired.

1000p stinging thru whole body with increased stinging and tingling in toes, feet, & ankles. Sinuses congested. Tired but awake.

Fell into closet. Mostly a soft landing though side hit plastic drawer thing. Had to have help to get up.

April 5

500 woke to both hands and arms numb and tingly.

Bible Reading: 2 Samuel 1-3; Psalm 119:93-96

242 Muscles in legs spasming/twitching randomly…more so in left thigh area.  Hands sting and throb. Toes tingling. Headache.

412p rt toes on fire. Someone spilt bleach on floor in laundry room and I stepped in it. Rinsed feet with cold water. Ugh! Dezirae graciously offered to clean it up

1036 exhausted and hurting all over but wide awake. Muscles randomly spasming thru body. Bad headache. Toes tingly and cold. Lower left leg tourniquet tightening feeling with tingling. Low back throbbing. Neck hurts.

It’s been weird, stressful day. Trying to figure out how to get Jakob home for funeral on Wednesday. Flights cost $600. Rental car $400 plus gas. Ugh.  Guy we bought car from had to apply for lost tag which will take two weeks.

Bouts of grieving over loss of loved one. Washed three loads clothes.   Folded 2 loads from days earlier. 2 loads today not folded yet.

Whole body throbbing and stinging. Sinuses congested bc I was craving milk and drank whole milk. Tongue is looking better.  Forgot to take morning meds. Took night meds plus Excedrin Migraine.

Positive Praise:

  1. Photographer is going to allow us to get family photo with Jordon’s Senior photos at no extra charge.
  2. Going to get to see Jakob for couple days this week.
  3. We have good report established with the family.
  4. Even though our family is grieving we are working through it together in our own ways.

 

April 6

330a woke to burning fire throbbing pain in legs just below knees to feet. Bad headache with stabbing pain at my 4 oclock back side of head almost like I’m being shocked!!

Bible Reading: 2 Samuel 4-7; Psalm 72;

612 bloody nose. I’m beginning to think they are associated with my migraines.

330 sat to rest a while bc back is throbbing. The longer I sit the more I hurt and the more I feel the exhaustion setting in. Need to lay down before I faint.

430 woken to a phone call. Feels like I could sleep longer. Legs below knees still stinging burning throbbing.

938 going to bed. Exhausted and hurting from head to toes. Headache. Sinuses congested and sinus pressure in face. Eyes hurt and sensitive to lights. Neck aches. Back aches. Tummy hurts. Lft arm stinging pain. Hands swollen and achy. Legs throbbing stinging burning. Feet tingling. Lower lft leg tourniquet tightening feeling. Tired. Skin sensitive to touch. Rt hip aches.

Long day ahead tomorrow and I need my beauty rest.  Attending funeral.

947p extreme sharp stabbing pain in rt center of chest.

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Lightning Strikes Memoirs – 1-3 April 2021

April. 1

4:30 woke to whole body stiff, achy, and in much stringing. Both hands tingling and stinging. Tummy insides cramping. Sinuses congested. Tinny taste in mouth.

Bible Reading: 1 Samuel 18-20;

Juicing: V8 Splash Island Strawberry, 1 tbs chia seeds, 1/2 cup frozen blueberries

Cooked 4lbs sausage in crockpot over night. Broke it up fine and put in ziplock bag in fridge. Cooked 4 lbs bacon and put in container for Sunday. Friend stopped by to deliver Color Street nails I requested. Visited with her for little while. Got Easter baskets out and put in them what I gave so far. Worked on blog for little bit.

Exhausted and nerves are burning throbbing thru body. Low back throbbing. Eyes getting heavy. Need a nap. Listening to Open Door.

Fell asleep for about 20 minutes. Having bad dream…dreamt that a semi truck rear-ended us and was pushing us into the back of a grey vehicle. As we were about to hit vehicle, I jerk awake at same time receiving text notification sound from Jakob. Whew!

It’s been a good day. I’m exhausted. Hurting all over. Low back throbbing. Tummy aches. Lower lft leg tourniquet tightening feeling with tingling to toes. Mild headache. Post nasal drip. Yuck. Skin sensitive.

On the way home from church, Joe asked me if I remember something ___ on Sunday to remind him. I said okay. Sitting in chair in Living room, I remember I’m supposed to remind him but forgot what. I was going to set reminder in my phone so I asked him what I was supposed to remind him. He got upset and said nevermind I’m not going there. That in turn upset me because I was trying to do better but I honestly don’t remember what it was he asked me to remember. Eyes getting heavy. I’m exhausted. Decided to go to bed. I’ll probably be sleeping before he comes to be. Having trouble even now keeping eyes open.

 

April 2

630 fell asleep quickly last night. Low back throbbing intensely.

Bible Reading: 1 Samuel 22-24; Psalm 34:6-8;

800 decided to work on my blog a little. Able to finish March 2019.

Joe decided for us to go look at a car.

Lunch date at Jereusalem Cafe. Started with Lentil Soup sprinkled with sumac. Soup was creamy with robust flavor. Delicious!

Beef Shawarmah – Grilled cubes of spiced and marinated tender beef topped with cucumber yogurt sauce. Plate came with a scoop of yellow rice. Rice was cooked to perfection and moist.

Joe wants to look at more cars. I’m done.

We ended up at 4 or 5 different lots. Much more than my brain or legs could handle. In much pain and brain is overload with too much information. Brain in shut down mode and I am now grumpy and angry.

I wanted to get little candy for kids easter baskets. Stores are too full of people for my liking. Trying to explain and it comes out all wrong. Upset Joe so he decided to go home without which makes more angry.

Once home Joe wants to talk it out but I don’t bc I need time to process and let brain rest. I end up saying I’m vacating premises because I need a break from you. Not what I wanted to say but instead of trying to explain I just walk out side and sit in sun for few minutes.

Whole body stings, low back & rt hip throbbing, legs stinging burning throb, feet tingle, post nasal drip tastes nasty in my mouth. Exhausted. Having trouble keeping eyes

 

April 3

700a lft arm sore, low back hurts, whole body stiff and achy, eyes blurry, neck hurts, hands throbbing and swollen. Strange uncomfortable dream…Joe finally appeared towards end so I reached out to him for comfort and protection. Still very tired.

Bible Reading: 1 Samuel 25-27; Hebrews 12:2; Psalm 54:4;

My legs, feet, butt, and lower back are throbbing. Headache moderate. Took Naproxen for pain, Advil sinus for sinuses, & 1/2 dropper cbd.

Today has been a roller coaster of emotions day. We purchased a 2nd vehicle. Family we purchased from asked us to come back at 3pm to give them time to clean it out, etc. As we left, we received phone call that a friend was being taken to ER unresponsive. Prepping things for Easter tomorrow. Picked up new to us vehicle. Took some stuff to church. Delivered food to a friend. Received word that friend passed. Finished picking stuff up for tomorrow. Several phone calls letting us know of her passing. Decided to let Rae know tonight.

I’m past exhausted and hurting.

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