Lightning Strikes – Journal Entries 29-30 April 2020

April 29

845 woke from a very strange dream. [I was in search for finding myself – I was looking for me. I found myself at a conference of some sort sitting at a table with an army recruiter. I had just taken the entrance exam and they were revealing my score. I had scored in one of the highest percentile and excelled in the computer knowledge aspect. The news was shocking and exciting. They wanted me to start right away. I told them I’d have to pray about it and discuss it with my husband because I had a family it would affect also.

I immediately shared the good news with “-” (blonde girl we were houseparents to at Hope – her name escapes me presently). She was so excited for me. I sadly told her I probably won’t be able to walk that path because it would affect my husband’s pastorship and I couldn’t take that away from him but there had to be a way I could do something similar instead. Maybe I could pursue getting a degree in computers via help thru a retrain program or something. I cried. ]

 

1100 Decided to open the wholetones chroma DVD and listen/watch on my laptop while working on few things. Started listening but only hearing music. My vcl player needed to be updated. Ugh. Always something.

At first the videos were a little hard for me to watch. All the movement is hard for me to follow (mind you that I’m working thru a brain injury).  I decided to watch the “How to use Chroma” session. I just wanted to cry. Hearing and seeing what the healing frequencies are suppose to work towards healing. I’ve read the book but I cannot remember what I read. I struggle with memory and comprehension. This in and of itself is bothersome, but a peace comes over me when I recall the Scripture and hymns I memorized as a teen.

I never thought about the possibility of people not feeling worthy of receiving healing. Why would someone not feel worthy? Why would they feel shame? Do I feel that way? No! I want to be healed. I just don’t know how.

900 fear is the hardest to overcome. It is a stronghold that can govern our lives if we let it.

1159 moderate pain. Headache minimal about 4. Neck hurts. Shoulders ache. Bloody nose though not streaming just when blowing nose. Sinuses congested. Hands swollen and achy. Low back aches. Rt hip throbbing. Lower lft leg tourniquet tightening feeling. Legs ache.

April 30

128 still wide awake

530 woke when Joe gave me kiss to go to work. Couldn’t go back to sleep. Purposely stayed in bed and tried to no avail.

600a have nosebleed. Took few minutes to get it to subside. Feeling weak and lousy.

715 Decided to get up after reading my Bible. No sense waiting time.

730 Rae left for work. I’m by myself for few hours. Ah Peace and quiet. I put on Wholetones Chroma but only listen to first one Open Door. Fiddled around doing little chores I haven’t been able to do. Took couple hours to find right size box to ship a pkg.

1000 my where has time gone? Still have lots to do. Need to figure out classes for next year and order books. Finally have Jordon’s classes figured out. Placed one order today for Math & Home Ec. Still need to nail down Raes classes. I’m so perplexed. Ugh.

Recvd email bank statement was available.

1230 Raes home from work. Ugh. I didn’t get near as much as I wanted to. I’m tired. Decided to take lunch. Ate lunch and began balancing checkbook asking God to help me not take as long as last time. I have to go through it few times because I’m missing something. Several errors. Took me 2.5 hours to balance checkbook. My head is throbbing and I’m exhausted.

300 I feel a crash oncoming. I try to get comfortable. I’m hurting. Rt hip & low back throbbing something aweful. Feel myself about to crash and lay head down. Next thing I know it’s 4pm and I’m coming to. I’m so tired still if only I could sleep longer.

415 gotta get up to get ready for church. Joe picking us up tonight. Glad he’s driving.

AHIF posted…

Interesting read…would you say that you still feel fatigued years after your injury?

I answered…

Yes. I’m 3 years out this July. Though I’m doing better I get so wore out especially when needing to use my brain for thinking and processing for lengths of time. Wish I could get someone to understand it and explain it to me.

They replied…

Hi Melissa! Here is an article about fatigue…https://www.brainline.org/article/fatigue-after-brain-injury-brainline-talks-dr-nathan-zasler

1159 I’m exhausted by awake. Rt hip & low back intense throbbing as if caught in horrific knot. Cramping in rt side. Legs ache & random twitching. Neck hurts. Bad headache. Feet tingling. Hands achy & swollen. Lft knee is looking better but hurts. Applied frankinsense oil roll on to knee to aid in healing. Also taking 2-3,000 mg Vitamin C. Random sharp stabbing pains through body.

Taking pain rx & muscle relaxer or I won’t get any sleep.

Lightning Strikes – Journal Entries 13-15 December 2019

Dec 13

9.00 overslept. Forgot to set alarm. Whole body hurts. Nightmares

9.05 read Bible on phone. Upset bc I forgot my scripture journal at church with my study Bible. I have to improvise until tomorrow.

11.00 mentioned to Joe and Jakob that I feel like I need to go back to school for home ec. They’re reply no you don’t your cooking is 100xs better since the lightning strike. Funny how they’re perception is different than mine. I wasn’t talking about cooking. I was talking about everything as a whole bc I feel like I’ve forgotten how to do a lot of things.

On our way to make hospital visit & run some errands.

4.30 I’m exhausted and hurting. Need to lay down a while. Feels like my brain is on sensory overload and needs to shut down in order to process.

7.00p Wow! I didn’t think I’d sleep for two hours. Feel like I could sleep longer, but if I don’t get up now I’ll be up all night.

A friend shared following info with me.

https://www.brainline.org/article/lost-found-what-brain-injury-survivors-want-you-know

 Dec 14

1am still wide awake.

7.30 overslept. Brain feels groggy and dugh what am I suppose to be doing?

It’s a rainy day and I hurt all over. Headache.

8.00 almost forgot to make the biscuits for breakfast. Got them done in nick of time. Also able to friends pkg ready to mail.

8.45 center of chest hurting, I’m tired

9.00 letters not going on board like I wanted. Rearranging letters multiple times now I must take break to finish in little while (muscles fatiguing & I don’t want center of chest to hurt more.

10.15 Joe having us ladies stay back to finish decorating for tomorrow. Thankful for the help.

11.00 lower back throbbing like toothache. Trying to finish up bulletin board. Dezirae offered to finish it up for me thankfully. Now sitting to rest back.

1.00 Dezirae got called to work today. Joe offered to take her.

2.00 I’m exhausted, hurting all over, and need a nap. Going to lay down for bout an hour. Hoefully, it’ll give me energy to do what I need to get dpne for church Christmas dinner. Foubd recipebto cook corn casserole in crockpot…which makes things easier on me. Yay!

10.00 apple crumble in oven. Taking shower. Wore out and out of breath. Showers are like a work out now. Whew!

Dec 15

6.30 woke at 2.30a with sharp pain in side

Read Bible before getting up. Looks like I’ll be able to finish a couple days early. Yay! Next year I want to work on rememorizing scripture. I’m starting to remember things more…that’s big deal for me. Grant you I still have ways to go. I may be working on recovery for rest of my life but I still want to continue to progress.

10.45 got really dizzy all of a sudden. Room spinning. Head feels weird inside…filling up with heavy fog causing pressure on brain?

10.50 comforting a distraught soul. God is working on hearts. Lord please help us lead them to You always.

11.40 woah! I’m sure Christmas program was cute but it was much a do for my brain. My head hurts and is quickly fogging up -almost to point it’s hard to make sense of things. Brain needs a nap but it won’t happen for another few hours.

12.30 talking with visitors at lunch. I purposely repeat their names out loud so I can remember their names. It’s important to me so I want to try to make others feel important too. While talking with them I could remember Mom & Grandma’s name but stumbled on daughters name ( now that I’m trying to recall I remember daughter & grandma’s name but not mom’s ugh!) Anyways, my tiredness became apparent because I messed up on saying what ingredients I put in the no bake fudge cookies. Talina graciously explained that I was struck by lightning and mess up what I’m trying to say sometimes. We had good laugh bc I said I put flour in them when I meant sugar. Then she said it’s not why she got struck but what she’s doing with it and being a witness for the Lord. It may seem odd to say but not sure how to word but it was a proud momma moment for me. Get it that she was talking about me – but that she came to my defense but also that my light for Jesus is shining through.  I’m making an impact for my Lord!!! Thank you, Jesus.

3.30 finally home and crashing. I physically cannot push anymore. It was good day but a bit much for my brain to handle.

5.23 woken by a phone call. Didn’t plan on sleeping that long, but could sleep longer. So tired & wore out.

9.30 Dezirae & I made peppermint bark for our movie day tomorrow at a friends house.

Low back intense throbbing. Rt hip aches. Rt ear & jaw throbbing. Pins & needles sensation in arms, back, & legs. Lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some tingling. Exhausted.

Good day at church. Had 25 total. PtL! It is being made apparent that I need to start a ladies Bible study next year. It’s time my vision takes foot. That’s not right says my brain but I cannot think of proper verbage. Hopefully y’all get it. Need to pray and ask God what Bible study to start. It will start slowly once a month. Now to figure out what day and time. As long as God leads, I need to follow and obey. It doesn’t mean I’m not scared nor do I feel adequate, but I know where God guides He provides.

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