April 29
845 woke from a very strange dream. [I was in search for finding myself – I was looking for me. I found myself at a conference of some sort sitting at a table with an army recruiter. I had just taken the entrance exam and they were revealing my score. I had scored in one of the highest percentile and excelled in the computer knowledge aspect. The news was shocking and exciting. They wanted me to start right away. I told them I’d have to pray about it and discuss it with my husband because I had a family it would affect also.
I immediately shared the good news with “-” (blonde girl we were houseparents to at Hope – her name escapes me presently). She was so excited for me. I sadly told her I probably won’t be able to walk that path because it would affect my husband’s pastorship and I couldn’t take that away from him but there had to be a way I could do something similar instead. Maybe I could pursue getting a degree in computers via help thru a retrain program or something. I cried. ]
1100 Decided to open the wholetones chroma DVD and listen/watch on my laptop while working on few things. Started listening but only hearing music. My vcl player needed to be updated. Ugh. Always something.
At first the videos were a little hard for me to watch. All the movement is hard for me to follow (mind you that I’m working thru a brain injury). I decided to watch the “How to use Chroma” session. I just wanted to cry. Hearing and seeing what the healing frequencies are suppose to work towards healing. I’ve read the book but I cannot remember what I read. I struggle with memory and comprehension. This in and of itself is bothersome, but a peace comes over me when I recall the Scripture and hymns I memorized as a teen.
I never thought about the possibility of people not feeling worthy of receiving healing. Why would someone not feel worthy? Why would they feel shame? Do I feel that way? No! I want to be healed. I just don’t know how.
900 fear is the hardest to overcome. It is a stronghold that can govern our lives if we let it.
1159 moderate pain. Headache minimal about 4. Neck hurts. Shoulders ache. Bloody nose though not streaming just when blowing nose. Sinuses congested. Hands swollen and achy. Low back aches. Rt hip throbbing. Lower lft leg tourniquet tightening feeling. Legs ache.
April 30
128 still wide awake
530 woke when Joe gave me kiss to go to work. Couldn’t go back to sleep. Purposely stayed in bed and tried to no avail.
600a have nosebleed. Took few minutes to get it to subside. Feeling weak and lousy.
715 Decided to get up after reading my Bible. No sense waiting time.
730 Rae left for work. I’m by myself for few hours. Ah Peace and quiet. I put on Wholetones Chroma but only listen to first one Open Door. Fiddled around doing little chores I haven’t been able to do. Took couple hours to find right size box to ship a pkg.
1000 my where has time gone? Still have lots to do. Need to figure out classes for next year and order books. Finally have Jordon’s classes figured out. Placed one order today for Math & Home Ec. Still need to nail down Raes classes. I’m so perplexed. Ugh.
Recvd email bank statement was available.
1230 Raes home from work. Ugh. I didn’t get near as much as I wanted to. I’m tired. Decided to take lunch. Ate lunch and began balancing checkbook asking God to help me not take as long as last time. I have to go through it few times because I’m missing something. Several errors. Took me 2.5 hours to balance checkbook. My head is throbbing and I’m exhausted.
300 I feel a crash oncoming. I try to get comfortable. I’m hurting. Rt hip & low back throbbing something aweful. Feel myself about to crash and lay head down. Next thing I know it’s 4pm and I’m coming to. I’m so tired still if only I could sleep longer.
415 gotta get up to get ready for church. Joe picking us up tonight. Glad he’s driving.
AHIF posted…
Interesting read…would you say that you still feel fatigued years after your injury?
I answered…
Yes. I’m 3 years out this July. Though I’m doing better I get so wore out especially when needing to use my brain for thinking and processing for lengths of time. Wish I could get someone to understand it and explain it to me.
They replied…
Hi Melissa! Here is an article about fatigue…https://www.brainline.org/article/fatigue-after-brain-injury-brainline-talks-dr-nathan-zasler
1159 I’m exhausted by awake. Rt hip & low back intense throbbing as if caught in horrific knot. Cramping in rt side. Legs ache & random twitching. Neck hurts. Bad headache. Feet tingling. Hands achy & swollen. Lft knee is looking better but hurts. Applied frankinsense oil roll on to knee to aid in healing. Also taking 2-3,000 mg Vitamin C. Random sharp stabbing pains through body.
Taking pain rx & muscle relaxer or I won’t get any sleep.
