Month: October 2021

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Lightning Strikes – Journal Entries 3-4 September 2019

Sept 3

4:30a- still took me while to fall asleep at least until pain rx calmed some of intense pain. Woke at 4:30 feeling like my heart was racing, but it wasn’t. Still in lot of pain but not as bad as last night. Pain level maybe a 6.

6:30a- took Joe to work – my car down – body can tell I haven’t driven a standard in while…muscles in legs cramping/twitching especially lft leg, low back & rt hip throbbing

Anxiety kicks in on higway. So trying not to scream or jump when another car gets too close for comfort or car merging onto highway makes me wonder if they’re going to yield. I know in my brain that… God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind (2Timothy 1.7); but it’s like that part of my brain was injured and the anxiety rears it’s ugly head no matter what. I get enough criticism and I can beat myself up over it as well, but none of the negativity is going to help me overcome. It’s like my brain and body go into automatic fight or flight mode whether I want them too or not. Loud noises even set me off sometimes. How does one overcome ptsd? Simply by acknowledging the issues and taking it one day at a time. A few things that are helping me are: deep breathing, quoting scripture, grounding (be aware of your surroundings using my senses – taste, touch, sight, smell, & sound).

https://www.verywellmind.com/grounding-techniques-for-ptsd-2797300

Ears ringing, congested, rt shoulder/back icy hot throbbing, hands swollen, achy, & tingly, lft ear hurts, chest hurting, 

8:24a- started to do morning pt exercises but fell back to sleep. Feel like I could sleep longer I’m so tired.

MSM is definitely helping with my allergies. I’m still a little stuffy, but not as congested as I was couple weeks ago. Trouble with eye exercises this morning. Eyes didn’t want to cooperate and trouble with counting. Did complete them. Now have headache.  

9:00a- Decided this year for scripture memory for school this year to do it through teaching them scripture songs. Started with a fun one. 

Proverbs 17:22 – A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones.

Interesting how my memory is so messed up since lightning strike, but most of the scriptures I memorized have stayed with me especially those I leraned to music.

10:50a- Jordon just got stung on back of heel walking back into house. Have baking soda paste on it right now. Had to calm him down & tell him to breath. Ugh!

11:00a- Jordon noticed bee flying inside window in front of house. Do you know how hard it is to remain calm so your kids will stay calm when inside you want to spazz out!?! Dezirae gave me some hairspray. I managed to spray it but missed first time. Sprayed second time on spot. Once I knew I got it, I used vacuum cleaner on that sucker. 

11:46a- had to scrub filter for water purifier. My whole body aches, nerves screaming & lightly stinging throughout body. I’m exhausted. Need a calgon moment to calm my nerves. Too much drama in one day for me my nerves to handle. Still have volleyball game. People just don’t know/understand how much of a challenge that is still for me. My rear end is still bruised from bleachers of game last Friday. I’ll bring my earplugs for sure. 

4:00p- left for vball game. Pit stop at bank. Need cash for entrance. Made it safe and on time.

11:24p- double header went until 8:30. Half way thru couldn’t stand sitting in bleachers nor pain in chest…sat along wall to support back. We lost but they put up a good fight towards end.

ASL class ready for tomorrow. Stressing because of unknowns. Number in class? Will they enjoy what I prepared? Will I stutter or mess up what I’m going to say?

I did tonight while at game. Trying to tell my husband something I was thinking of but it wouldn’t come out. Had to pause to slow brain down and said, “Just minute, I need my thoughts to catch up to my brain.” Lol!

No! I need to take time to breath (deep breaths). Relax myself as best as possible. Ask God to help me do my best and let Him handle the rest.

Debating doing pm exercices. I’m exhausted and really hurting. Music will soothe me.

Pain in center of chest extenuating (not sure what word is suppose to be presently) thru to back, low back throbbing, lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling with numbness up to just below knee cap, headache, rt ear hurts, skin itching, joints hurt to bones, toes tingly, brain jumbled, neck hurts more on rt side than lft.

Need to pick up Rx’s tomorrow at pharmacy. Feeling shaky. Head pounding. Rt hip now hurting.

Sept 4

4:30a- fell asleep sometime after 1am. Excruciating pain in center of chest!!!! Yesterday was too much for me. Headache. I just want to cry 😭😭😭. Have to take Joe to work again bc my car still down. Lord’s gonna have to get me thru today.

6:30a- laying back down for little bit with ice pack on chest. Hopefully that’ll help ease pain some. 

Muscles randomly throughout body, lower left leg numbish and tourniquit tighten feeling, headache

7:12a- whole body aches, ice seems to have taken edge off stabbing pain 

11:36a- thankful I only teach one class this year. It’s small. Helper in 2nd class. Free last hour. I’m wiped and nerves are all jittery. 

2nd hour we helped kids make haystacks. Chow mein noodles, 1 pkg of chocolate chips, 1 pkg butterscotch chips). Hands arms have chocolate on them by time we we’re down. 

2:00p- had to stop at store to pick up few items. Muscles/nerves in arms, back, and legs screaming. Feel like I’m fading. Set security alarm off walking into the store. Don’t know how or why. Odd. No wheelchairs available. Walked behind buggy slowly. Had kids split up to get items. Dezirae stayed close by to keep eye on me.

Feel like I’m gonna crash. Chest hurting more again. Hard time staying awake. Asked God to help get me home safely. He did. Kids put grocerirs away and cooking lunch. I crashing on couch as I type.

Muscles spasming thru body. Exhausted. Chest center throbbing.

Moved to adjust on lounge severe stomach cramp kept me from moving at all for several minutes. Ice pack helped ease chest pain back down. I feel plain aweful. Lightheaded and dizzy. May have to call Dr.

Feels like my body is one big muscle cramp. I’m suppose to be getting better not worse. 

6:30p- crashed around 4:40ish. Joe woke me to feed me dinner in bed. Still feeling lethargic but not as wiped before crash. Muscles still quite jittery. Chest center starting to ache again. Trouble holding phone.

10:30p- took muscle relaxer to calm nerves around 7:30p still awake. Muscles not twitching as bad.

Lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness, rt leg some numbness and tingling, back throbbin, lf t arm throbbing, nerves are stinging

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Look At Me

Matthew 6:1-4
​ Take heed that ye do not your alms before men, to be seen of them: otherwise ye have no reward of your Father which is in heaven. Therefore when thou doest thine alms, do not sound a trumpet before thee, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may have glory of men. Verily I say unto you, They have their reward. But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth: That thine alms may be in secret: and thy Father which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly.

I wonder how many “Pharisees” in Heaven will be surprised at how little their heavenly rewards are because they chose to do their good deeds publicly on earth? 🤔

Don’t let that shy you away from doing good when you see an opportunity. Rather seek ways you can bring praise to God with the right hearts attitude rather than for self glorification.

James 1:25 But whoso looketh into the perfect law of liberty, and continueth therein, he being not a forgetful hearer, but a doer of the work, this man shall be blessed in his deed.

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Lightning Strikes – Journal Entries 1-2 Sept 2019

Sept 1

 having hard time waking up

Whole body aches, tailbone bruised throbbing – it so hurts to sit down. Didn’t fall asleep until after 1am.

Feeling dizzy this am.

https://noravisionrehab.org/patients-caregivers/about-brain-injuries-vision/dizziness-balance-problems-related-to-vision

12:30p- tired, sleepy, eyes hurt 

2:00p- laying down feel like I’m going to crash.

4:00p- tried taking hour nap but I was still wiped out. Feel like I could sleep longer. Need to work on bulletin board for 9/11 & Hometown Heroes Sunday.

7:24p- lower back & rt hip throbbing, brain feels weird, eyes hurt, neck aches, lights bothersome

10:20- in lots of pain , skin itches, having trouble keeping eyes open, headache, rt hip screaming pain with periodic stabbing sharp pain shooting down rt leg to knees, low back throbbing, lymph nodes on both sides of neck swollen, sharp pain in rt neck, under rt arm skin hurts feels like shirt too tight though it’s not, lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness feeling with some numbness 

Sept 2

8:00a- crashed fast and hard I did last night. Long I slept though broken off and on too. Entire back and arms throbbing. Nose stuffy. Headache. Face itches. Eyes watery.  

10:00p- decided to go to thrift store to look for hangers for boys room. Found soft pillows for livingroom, two tops, basket for give away, tablet although screen cracked, 3 packs of hangers though I had to search them out.

12:00p- thrift store trip wore me out. Feel out of breath. Headache.

1:30p- sweet corn bread casserole in the crockpot. Sitting now to rest while watching hallmark. Wifi keeps buffering. Ugh!

5:00p- dinner at parents. Played couple games. 

7:00p- tried to help Dezirae unravel volleyball net. Jordon took over. Decided to trim grass with scissors by my outdoor table. Don’t have weedeater. Got 1/4 area done before tiring out and hurting too much.

8:42p- shoulders throbbing, back throbbing, hands swollen and achy, headache, neck throbbing, bones ache thru body, legs feel heavy, low back throbbing. Haven’t taken pain rx all day and boy can I tell. Pain level about 7/8 right now.

10:30p- sharp pain in rt side, shooting pain in legs, skin itches, muscles spasming randomly throughout bod

Trying something…having kids charge their phones in kitchen and I’m turning mine off…want to see how it’ll effect my sleep if any.

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The Lord is with Us by Danielle Moore

Happy Fall! I hope everyone had a blessed weekend serving the Lord. This week’s devotional is by Debbie Moore. I know she addresses Pastor’s wives, but the principles in her devotional came apply to anyone. Please take time to read as I know it can be an encouragement to us all. I hope you have a fantastic week.

The Lord is With Us – Danielle Moore

As I began to think about what I should write about, I really struggled.  I kept praying about it, but the Lord just hadn’t given me peace about anything. Well last night while listening to my husband preach he made the statement that our world needs to be reminded that “The Lord is with us.” When he made that statement, I knew that was what the Lord wanted me to do this devotion on. 

Matthew 28:20 “Teaching them to observe all things whatsoever I have commanded you: and, low, I am with you always, even unto the end of the world. Amen. “

     

      I know many of us in this group are pastors/preachers wives; I have been one for over 20 years. With that comes many times of having to try and council women, or just encourage them when they are discouraged. With all the things that have transpired in our country over the last two years, we hear so much about social distancing.  In many cases people are just scared to be around others, even at church.  I am not saying this to start a debate, but rather to make the point with all the changes in our country has come a feeling of loneliness, and even fear.

     I know personally that I have felt many different emotions over the last two years including loneliness and fear. So I began to think, if I was counseling another lady who was going through these same things, what I would tell her.  The passage from I Samuel 30:6 came to mind where it talks about how David encouraged himself in the Lord. I am not saying by any means that we should not go to others when we are down and discouraged, but there are times when we just can’t. It is during those times that we must learn to encourage our self in the Lord, and realize that The Lord is with us. 

Joshua 1:9 “Have not I commanded thee? Be strong and of a good courage; be not afraid, neither be thou dismayed: for the LORD thy God is with thee whithersoever thou goest.”

Hebrews 13:5 “Let your conversation be without covetousness; and be content with such things as ye have: for he hath said, I will never leave thee, nor forsake thee.”

    Over and over in the Bible we are reminded that God is with us, and that He hasn’t given us the spirit of fear. However, there is a difference between having head knowledge of something and heart knowledge.  As Christian ladies many times we know exactly what we need to do to encourage ourselves in The Lord, but we like to wallow in our own little pity party. We can give the best advice to others about how to handle the same situation, but we just don’t want to take our own advice. It’s easier to give the advice than to follow it.  

     So let me challenge you to make a list of ways to encourage yourself in the Lord, or maybe just a list of verses that you know are special to you. When we are in those times where we need to be encouraged in The Lord, it can be difficult to think about what we should do. So here are some ideas that are on my list, I hope that they will be a help to you. These are nothing new that you haven’t heard before, but it is simply going back to the basics that work every time.

1. Bible Reading – So many times when we are going through hard times we tend to pull away from our alone time with God. Our alone time with God is when He so often speaks to us and can show us things through His Word to help us. Don’t be afraid to have quiet time. 

2 Timothy 2:15 “Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.”

2. Prayer – There are so many ways that God can speak to us, but we need to be sure we are taking time to talk to Him. He wants us to come to Him with our needs, our burdens, and our concerns. 

1 Peter 5:7 “Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.” 

      I love this verse because He doesn’t just tell us to cast some of our cares, but all of them. He wants us to take everything to Him in prayer. He cares about everything that we are going through. No matter how big or small it is. 

3. Music – Sometimes when things are quiet, we tend to think more about our problems, and focus on the negative. Listen to some good Godly music. Sometimes we just need to be reminded about how good God is, and music is a great way to do that. 

Ephesians 5:19 “Speaking to yourselves in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing and making melody in your heart to the Lord;”

4. Church – When we are down one of the worst things we can do is layout of church. That is when we need the fellowship of other Christians the most. Sometimes God can use another person to say something to encourage our hearts. The Bible tells us that as we get closer to His return, we need to exhort/encourage each other even more.

Hebrews 10:24-25 “And let us consider one another to provoke unto love and to good works:  Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.”

5. Service to others – Take time to focus on others, and do something to be a help to someone else. Usually when we focus on doing for others, we forget about our problems and we end up getting a blessing in return.

Jude 1:22 “And of some have compassion, making a difference:”

     We all go through discouraging times in life and times when we need to be encouraged in the Lord. There is no shame in it; it just shows that we are human. Make you a list of ways to encourage yourself in The Lord, and take time to see what God might be trying to teach you. Everything comes to us for a reason, and He has a purpose for everything. Take time to learn the lesson He has for you. Focus on how big our God is, instead of how big our problems are.

https://www.sappsolutely.com/devotions/the-lord-is-with-us-danielle-moore

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They are Leaving, What Do I Do Now?

Happy Monday! This week’s devo is “They are Leaving, What Do I Do Now?” written by Sharon Monzo! Please take the time to read as she shares her heart with us today.

May you ever find God’s love blooming through all you do today and all week😊.

They are Leaving, What Do I Do Now? – Sharon Monzo

You know, you hear it all the time… cherish these moments they go by fast! How true this statement is becoming right now. My husband and I have 3 daughters our oldest is 18 and heading off to college…and in 2 years our middle child will be doing the same…time is going by so fast right now… with all the ups and downs life is throwing at me with losing both my parents, one to a stroke and the other to cancer…. None of my siblings living near me enough to have a real relationship with and now my children are growing up and leaving too….wow! How alone I feel at times, how confused I feel, how undeniably, indecisive and uncontrollable my life has become!…. I go through all of these emotions on top of trying to be the mother, wife, friend, and willing servant for everybody! (I’m not complaining; I do it with a joyful heart!) I don’t know what my future holds but I do know who holds it, and I put All my trust in Him! Without the assurance of my salvation and the comfort and protection of my Lord and Saviour, I truly don’t know where I would be or how I could make it through all of this. I know that many of you that are reading this are probably already saved or at least I pray so, but if your not, there is no better time to do it, in fact your running out of time!! For those of you who are in a similar situation, maybe you are feeling alone? Maybe your children are heading off to college too… can I just say, take comfort in the Lord and trust Him! He is opening new chapters in your life…just go with it!!! While praying about what the Lord would want me to share with you, He put this on my heart!

But Then God Reminds Me!

To my daughter who is leaving  to start her new chapter in life.

Parts of me want to scream and say No! You can’t leave me, but then God reminds me she has a whole life that she needs to live. I think, what if something happens to her, but then God reminds me, nothing happens without his approval, and He loves her more than I do. I think what if people are mean to her, but then God reminds me, they WILL be mean to her! There will be people all throughout her life that will be mean to her, They were mean to the nicest person to walk this earth! (Jesus) but He will comfort her and get her through it all. I think, but I will miss her, but then God reminds me, she was never mine to keep! I think, did I prepare her enough, but then God reminds me, you’ve done all that you can, it’s between Me and her now. I think, then what should i do, but then God reminds me just pray for her and trust Me! So, that’s what I’m doing! When I start to worry or get sad about my daughters all growing up and hitting these new chapters in their lives, I will just stay focused on the Lord and remember all the things God reminds me of! 

Proverbs 3:5-6

Romans 8:28

https://www.sappsolutely.com/devotions/they-are-leaving-what-do-i-do-now-sharon-monzo

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Lightning Strikes Journal Entries – 29-31 August 2019

August 29

7:30a- having trouble waking up today. Took a benadryl last night due to severe congestion. Also took pain rx & migraine rx. I guess it made for sleepy combo. Able to breath this morning. Severly stiff and in much pain this morning but at least migraine has eased. Still have slight headache.

Listened to wholetones music for almost an hour trying to calm overactive stinging nerves. Helped.

Lots to do today to get prepared for Joe’s birthday party after church tonight. What would take normally couple hours will take me all day. I’m learning to think outside box in order to get things accomplished.

1:00p- Eclaire cake made and in fridge. Sloppy Joe’s in crockpot. Jordon cut up the broccoli and cauliflower for me. Much appreciated. Broccoli Cauliflower Salad made and in fridge.  I feel like I’m forgetting something. 

I’m really sleepy. Slight headache. Pain level is a about a 4 but I did take pain rx around 9am.

1:40p- decided to wash some of dishes I dirtied. Only got part way before back was hurting too much to stand any longer. 

1:30p- really tired feel crash oncoming laying down a piece 

7:44p- rt hip throbbing, rt jaw aches

Headache

11:50p- low back & rt hip throbbing, lft hand and wrist numb & tingling, lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness and tingling, headache worse, tired, upper back hurting, center of chest hurting, can feel my heart beating, muscles randomly twitching thru body 

August 30

6a- woke with headache, eyes watery,  toes tingly, 

1;00p- PT with neuro students. Had me walk 6 minutes up and back. Determined that as I get tired from exercises my right side gets more wobbly. About half way thru my legs started feeling like lead.  Toes tingly after walking.

Clothes line exercise showed issues with my shoulders. Wish I could remember the verbage they used.

They did several other tests to check my eyes motor control. Eyes show I’m still having trouble with vertigo. 

Update: yday session went well. They definitely tested my limits (in a good way) and discovered new information along the way. i.e. – I was struck on left side of brain and right side of body  is affected.  Convergence insufficiency in eyes.

https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/convergence-insufficiency/diagnosis-treatment/drc-20352739

*I guess that would explain why it’s been difficult to read since the lightning strike.

Some of the students admitted they were intrigued about lightning survivors and said they went home after last session and looked up information about lightning survivors. 

At the end of session, several had questions about what I deal with now versus prior to strike. I was able to tell them about the lightning strike and electric shock survivor Facebook group that has been helpful. I was even able to share some of the struggles I’ve dealt with regarding finding Dr’s willing to help and some of the things that have been beneficial along the way.

 Some were even intrigued at the lack of medical help for long term recovery. 

They were very appreciative of my willingness to participate. They even gave me a “Thank You” card.

I am thankful they were interested in learning and for their professor’s willingness to help me. God worked in mighty way & allowed seeds to be planted.

11:00p- wore out from today’s events.

Center of back left side aching with stabbing pain. Having troubl3 holding phone in hands – keep dropping. At least my headache is gone. Bloody nose.

August 31

7:30a- I’m in much pain. Whole body hurts. Tailbone feels bruised from sitting on bleachers. Shoulders and arms ache. Hands nd arms were numb uopn waking. Low back throbbing. Rt hip aches. Hands swollen and throbbing. Lowr lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness. Rt ear hurts. Neck hurts. I don’t want to get up.  Left ear ringing. Bloody nose.

9:00a- started taking bulletin board down to change it out for 9/11 & Hometown Heroes Appreciation Sunday. Had to ask for help to finish taking it down. My arms started stinging & rt arm cramping. 

10:00a- so sleepy today. Joe had me drive car once we got to street to knock doors. Guys able to lead a lady to Christ.

12:30p- Mom, Dezirae, & I work on sprucing up front of church. I was able to rake a wheelbarrow full of pine needles for flower beds before pain was too much to bare. After resting a bit, Joe told me he needed to take me home bc I was going to overdo it.

Dezirae found my biology books! They somehow got put in clothing closet area? Weird?

3:00p- need to lay down feel like I’m going to pass out. Guys working on hunting stuff keep moving bed little. Make me feel like I’m tossed on stormy sea. Decided to move to Dezirae’s bed.

4:30p- still feel tired but need to cook dinner & do bulletin for tomorrow. Really need to start on it earlier in week. Gotta try to get my brain in gear.

11:30p- finished bulletin about 10:30. Got dizzy when going to restroom. Sore all over. Neck hurts. Hairline itches like crazy like allergic reaction to something. Hair touching skin bothersome. Lower lft leg tourniquit tighten feeling with numbness more than usual, lft hand went numb, lower back throbbing, center of chest tender with mild icy feeling, upper shoulders and back achy with pins & needles sensation, pins & needles sensation in  legs below knees, lower back/butt bruised and painful to touch, bruise on left upper arm (think I fell into dresser but not 100% certain), cramping in middle back region, neck hurts, periodic ringing in ears today, middle toe on left foot throbbing like it was bit, periodic coughing like I’m choking on fluids, tongue still looks odd 

Didn’t drink enough water today. I’m very thirsty. 

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Lightning Strikes – Journal Entries – 27-28 August 2019

August 27

6:30- whole body aches

8:00- headache oncoming, rt hip & low back aches, face hurts

12:15p- just folded load of clothes from yday. My arms especially rt arm started cramping pushed thru until load was folded. Rt arm burning cramping, out of breath and exhausted. Time to rest til cramping subsides. 

4:30p- put clothes away. Remembered I needed to shred chicken for dinner. By time I get chicken shredded my back throbbing and shoulders burning. Need to lay flat to rest back a while.

6:00p- muscles twitching in lower lft leg outside

7:45p- stomach cramping and hurting

8:30p- lower back really throbbing. Heating pad applying. 

10:15p- doesn’t seem as if heat is helping…hard to think strait hurting this bad. Sipping chammomile tea.

August 28

5:00a- stomach and back cramping/throbbing most of night. Fell asleep doing breathing exercises. Tossed and turned most of night trying to get remotely comfortable.

6:00a- cramping has eased some. I hurt horribly from head to toes. Feel like I was beat up. Hurts to move. Sinuses congested severly. Trouble breathing.

8:00a- headache, feet tingly lft more than right, lower lft leg just above ankle tourniquit tighten feeling, hands swollen and achy, eyes watery, center of chest aches

Going to see if hot shower will help.

2:00p- PT study went well. There were 10 advanced neuro physical therapy students in the class today. Their assignment was to do an inital evaluation to determine what was wrong and different injuries. It was quite interesting and challenging at times.

I brought my usual paperwork that I bring to new apts but gave at end of class. They were amazed but very thankful that I chose to participate. 

They even challenged me…asked me what my goal was in all of this. I wasn’t sure how to answer.  Told them to be able to do more physically bc I’m not able to do half of what I used to and to be able to encourage others to get the help they need.

They will meet with professor (my physical therapist) tomorrow to discuss they’re prognosis and come up with action plan. 

Friday they will finish up testing they weren’t able to complete today and discuss action plan with me. I will ve able to give my input as well. 

11:50p- I’m exhausted and hurting all over. Migraine included. Rx taken. Hope to sleep some tonight. 

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Lightning Strikes – Journal Entries – 25-26 August 2019

August 25

2am- awake

5am- awake

7:00a- alarm goes off. I’m in much pain especially my lower back. First thoughts why does it have to hurt so bad?! 

8:48a- still in lots of pain. Had to get daughter to help curl back of hair as my arms already cramping. Just want to lay down til pain goes away. On positive side, migraine has eased some though still have a headache.

11:30- Reni made my day. She decided to sit with me during church. She paitently waited until I was done playing piano then scooted to snuggle next to me once I sat down. Decided to take pic and noticed our toes were painted same color. 😊

Decided to make list of items that I see need to be done around church so 1. I can feel like I’m getting something done, be focuzed on what needs done, and 2. I can delegate help when people ask to help.

A lot of times when  when people ask how I’m doing I really don’t know how to answer. I’m always in pain sometimes more than other times.  It’s hard for me to know where I’m at  compared to where I’ve been because of my memory until I refer to my notes.    When people ask how they can help I’d not sure how to answer. Sometimes I don’t know how to help myself  because I’m uncertain on what exactly is going on.  To be frankly honest, I’m finding to relearn how to do lots of things.  Some is due to the fact that I’m limited in physical function. The muscles on my rt side have become weak and cramp easily at the simplest chore. I’m having to learn how to go about daily chores in differents. It’s almost like learning how to be left handed instead of right handed. Yet even then I face challenges bc if I do too much I cause severe muscle and cartlidge inflammation in my chest which is very painful and puts me down for days sometimes weeks. 

Planning meals has been quite difficult. I have trouble making decisions. I’m unsure if the family is going to like it. I don’t even remember if I like it half the time. My taste buds have changed. My husband is having to relearn me bc things I used to like I don’t like anymore. I don’t even remember what my favorite meal was prior to strike.

I remember that I like strawberries and still do. I loathed the color yellow. Now I like sunflowers but I still dislike yellow – go figure?  

Basically, I’m learning to rediscover myself all over again.  It’s frightening and exciting and overwhelming at times all in one package. 

Sometimes I feel like a new child discovering all the different things in the world for the first time again. Sometimes I get frustrated because I know in my brain I should know things already (how to cook, how to clean, balance checkbook, name of objects, etc.), but for some odd reason I just can’t remember it. Sometimes my mind is just blank and I have no clue what I’m suppose to be doing.

I’ve been trying out avenues of meal plans to simplify that part of taking care of the home. Right now I’m working on planning a six week rotating schedule. Having a meal schedule not only helps me know what I plan to have for that day but also what items I need to have on hand for that week.

10:09p- severe cramping under rt rib!!!!

Pic insert x2

August 26

6:00a- pain in back pulsating like bad toothache. Lights bothersome. I hurt all over. Sinuses congested. Eyes watery. Weird dreams.

9:30a- chilling in livingroom Jordon asks me about how long my apt would be. Oh, no! I totally forgot about it lost track time. I’m going to be late!!! Ugh!

11:06- PT tested gait walking. I have improved speed by .7 millimeters per second. I don’t recall all she said but that’s a good bit of increase since starting PT in end of May. Thank you, Lord!!!  Something about it decreases chances of falls and improvement of well being. She’s adjusting pt exercises to help with coordination skills bc they’re quite lacking presently. 

Muscles in lower back aches and tingly.

12:20p- I’m exhausted and hurting all over. Just tried to move bed out from wall so can put headboard at head of bed. Had to ask Jordon for help. Don’t have right kind of rails to attach head and foot boards. Looks good though.   Wish I could remember what she said about the gate speed thing.

1:09p- center of chest rt side hurting, low back throbbing, hands ache

10:40p- lower back & rt hip throbbing, stinging needle pain in lft thigh, lower left leg tourniquit tighten feeling with some numbness, chest aches, upper back & shoulders ache and hurt to move much, headache, hands swollen and achy. Skin extra sensitive to touch – hair on lft arm couldn’t see it but sure could feel it about drove me crazy until I could get it off me. Random muscle spams in legs.

Just remembered to order MSM. If only I could get relief from pain once in a while. 

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Where Do I Belong by Susie Montgomery

Happy October!!! I can’t believe Fall is here already. I love this time of year!

This week’s devo is “Where Do I Belong” written by Susie Montgomery! Please take the time to read as she shares her heart with us, and the troubles she had in the past with feeling like she just didn’t fit in as a Pastor’s Wife! I love this devo!

I hope that you have the best week ever!!!

Where Do I Belong – Susie Montgomery

For the last 21 years I have been married to a pastor.  Through those years I have felt like I just don’t belong to the “pastor’s wives group”.  I don’t perceive myself to be calm, sweet, or full of wisdom like I picture a pastor’s wife to be.  Actually, I think  I’m more energetic, opinionated and full of laughter.  I know, not qualities that you expect from a pastor’s wife.  I struggled with a feeling of belonging causing me to act and be someone who I am not.  I suppressed my feeling of light-heartedness and tried not to laugh.  “Be serious” I would tell myself.  “People don’t want a silly pastor’s wife.” 

Those years were sad for me.  I didn’t laugh and have fun like the person I was created to be.  Instead, I looked stern and tried to always have something important to say.  I wore business-like clothes to church and volunteered as much as I could to not connect with people on a personal level.  If they knew who I really was they wouldn’t like me, or worse, they would look for another pastor or church.  

Through the years our great God has shepherded me to understand who He is and have an abiding love for His Word.  I’d like to give you a little glimpse into that growing process and finding a true sense of belonging.

Belonging, defined by Brene’ Brown, is “Being part of something bigger than yourself. Because this yearning is so primal we often try to acquire it by fitting in and seeking approval, which are not only hollow substitutes for belonging, byt often barriers to it.”

Our focus will be on Belonging to God and His family. But first, I have a bit of an “ugly Duckling” story.  When I was in high school I overheard a boy named, get this, Balarama Warner- they called him Balls, call me the ugliest girl in school.  Of course, I was devastated, but also thought “that was probably true”. Years passed, I went away to school, and came home for the summers to work.  Guess who came to the store I was working at? Yep! Balls.  He would flirt with me from time to time, until one day he finally asked me out.  I relished this moment! I said, “You don’t remember me do you?” When I told him who I was, he had the audacity to say, “so, does this mean you won’t go out with me?” HA! That was a defining moment in my life.  The boy, who called me ugly, was now wishing he hadn’t.  

That story turned out ok, but those years I spent in high school thinking and believing I didn’t belong were painful.  I hid in the bathroom stalls during lunch so that I wouldn’t have those hurtful experiences again.  It is hard to see the creation, which God called “very good”, being good to that high school girl. In Genesis 3:8-24 we understand that the original sin of Adam and Eve brought a curse of God’s good creation.

Sin Causes: us to hide ourselves, separation from loved ones, pain, and death. When we sin, we hide.  We’re so afraid that there may be something about me that, if people found out about it, I wouldn’t be worthy of connection. It is much easier to just hide.  We hide behind pretending to be smart. We hide behind being busy. We hide behind trying to be super sweet. We hide!  

Adam’s offence, in Genesis 3,  leads to judgment, which leads to condemnation. We are ashamed! Christ’s act of righteousness brought a free gift, which leads to justification of life. Grace is God’s gift to undeserving sinners because of Christ’s act of righteousness.

While studying about belonging I came across several articles and talks by Brene’ Brown.  She said this, “The people who have a strong sense of love and belonging are the people who believe they are worthy of love and belonging.”  This sounds good. Right?  Do you see where this conflicts with Scripture? My friends, We ARE unworthy! There is nothing good in us.  God is completely justified in condemning us to an eternity in Hell.  

Romans 8:1 can help us form a more scriptural approach to belonging.  “There is therefore now on condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit”  Could we rephrase the previous quote by Brown to say this, The people who have a strong sense of belonging, are the people who realize the price that was paid for them to belong! Christ’s act of righteousness brings true belonging.  True belonging is being fully known and fully loved! There is only One who fully knows us, and we can be so thankful today that He also fully loves us! He demonstrated that love for us on the cross! His act of righteousness brought the free gift of a justified life.

No more do we live in condemnation!  No more do we need to search for belonging!  Those who are in Christ belong! Now that I belong to Christ, I bring the sense of belonging with me everywhere I go!  No more hiding in bathroom stalls, no more hiding behind a fake me! I belong, and I want everyone else to have this same “belonging”.  In 1942 Clayton Ellsworthwrote these words “ Now I belong to Jesus, Jesus belongs to me. Not for the years of time alone, but for eternity”!  Let us go bring others to God and His family!

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