May 3
6:10a- after attending a funeral this week and learning that a cousin passed away tragically, it dawned on me that I in a sense have the need to grieve – to grieve over the loss of self due to my lightning strike. Some of the lasting effects from my lightning strike have been nerve damage, brain injury, chronic pain, regular migraines, etc. Each of these injuries in and of themselves are difficult to deal with for any person. Let me tell ya it’s definity not for whimps. I write this not for self-pity but to help others who may be experiencing the same pains.
It dawned on me that I haven’t allowed myself to grieve because I’ve been so consumed in trying to understand and overcome. Dr’s have no idea how to help and mostly have only been monitering my symptoms. Some of my symptoms they have no idea how to treat.
Media usually only covers a lighting strike story of people that die, but there are more people that survive and many of those survivors have lasting side effects. Most of which have no visible injuries. If only more doctors or aspiring doctors would study this phenomenon out to help the thousands of us who are doing their best to continue to live life.
Society (myself included) generally thinks the only reason you need to grieve is over the loss of a loved one. But that’s not entirely true. You see those who experience traumatic life experiences have a need to grieve too in order to move forward in life.
You see I now have a hidden “invisible” injury that has drastically changed the way I live life. It has not only affected me but also my family and friends around me.
I have struggled with the fact that I am no longer the “energizer bunny” that I was once and now have to pace myself in order to complete even the most medial of tasks. I keep telling myself “I used to be able to do this but now it’s so difficult.” Or “I want to be able to do this but I don’t know how to do it anymore.” I’m sure it’s not only frustrating for me but also for my family as well. We’ve all had to make difficult adjustments to the new way of living. What’s even harder to adjust to is hearing outsiders say, “I’m glad to see you’re doing better” when really I’m doing my best to not show how I’m really feeling. Most of the time I will respond with “I’m working towards getting better.”
Most days I’m in pain and I’ve learned thru trial and error how to manage the pain. I do have flair ups either bc of weather or I’ve pushed myself too much which causes extreme pain.
Weather related flair ups I can feel in my bones and nerves when rain is coming especially if it’s going to storm. My body tenses up as if I’m re-living that day all over again. When storms are bad, anxiety kicks in and I feel the need to get in a “safe place” til the storm passes. I get very jumpy especially when I hear lightning.
Over activity flair ups cause my muscles to tighten and they begin spasming randomly throughout my body. Sometimes it takes days of rest for them to finally loosen enough for relief of extreme pain.
No one wants to accept the fact that they are stuck with lifelong changes. Take the TBI for instance, TBI patients have continuing short term memory losses, cognitive difficulties, slow processing (conversations are a challenge), speech difficulties, etc. It has been very difficult challenge for me to accept who I am verses who I was. Learning to accept the new way of life is an important step to moving forward.
With the nerve damage & pain, I’ve had to re-learn how to do some things and how to make things simpler in order to accomplish daily tasks. I’ve also had to learn how to ask for help more when I can not do the task myself.
10:59a- today has been very eventful. Woke at 5:30ish and couldn’t get back to sleep. Decided to get up and work on making picnic dinner items for kids field trip this afternoon. Washed load of clothes, folded and put away load of clothes (most of it), posted journal entries to blog thru end of Dec 2017. Had to call about getting car towed to repair shop. Three phone calls and several hours later I’m talking to a case manager bc towing co not showed yet. Suppose to leave for field trip at 2 didnt get to leave until 30 minuet afterwards. Nerves stretched thin. Guy with towing co gave no explanation or apology.
I’ll have to finish in am. I’m flat wore out.
Met a lady at festival who’s husband is a lightning survivor. He was struck in 70s in Germany. Able to tell her about lightning survivor support group.
Also met a specialized chiropractor. Practice in Pensacola, Fl. I purposely didn’t tell him that I was a lightning survivor. I wanted to see what the neck scan would show and what his reaction would be. My scan for nerve interference/damage was almost off the chart!!! He was shocked. He asked me what catastrophic event happened to cause my symptoms. When I told him, he was more shocked!!! He began asking lots of questions. He did confirm that my body isn’t healing like it’s suppose to bc of the nerve damage/issues in my spine. (Honestly, that’s a relief to finally hear a Dr agree with my thinking. Gut & brain are connected. My connections are distorted presently. Gotta figure out help to fix it.)
Scheduled an apt for end of June. Looking forward to see what answers he may be able to provide.
Music way too loud…felt vibrations through my bones. Determined to see the balloons up. Took forever seemingly. I guess they had to see if wind would calm. Prayed it would and it did. Jordon said it was hurting his ears. I apologized and prayed for music to stop. Decided to start heading to car. Thanked God for the disability transport. They didn’t have it last year. Music stopped.
Balloons began filling up as we headed to car. It was amazing! Ate picnic dinner at car while watching all the balloons fill up. Thankful we waited.
Stopped at Buccees. It’s huge. Asked what time they close. Were told they don’t. Woah! It’s a huge souvenirs convenience shop on steroids!!!
Good day overall. I’m beyond exhausted and know I’ve overdone it but happy I was able to make memories with the kids. Wish Joe could’ve come.
May 4
5:00a- Joe woke me bc he recvd call from Jakob at midnight and was having hard time understanding his voice mail. I couldn’t make it out either. Hope everything’s okay.
Joe asked about my mtg with specialized chiropractor. Told me he looked up safety stats on lightning and trains. Found stat that 51% of lightning survivors eventually die from it. Intriguing.
I have such a headache and I’m so sore all over. Think I walked more yday with many breaks than I have in a whole month. Any kind of extra activity causes me great pain afterwards.
https://www.nbcbayarea.com/news/health/lightning-strike-survivors-268939381.html?amp=y
https://www.livescience.com/38313-how-to-survive-a-lightning-strike.html
7:00 Charliehorse of cramping in legs. Had to stand up to ease some. Bad headache.
11:57a- raining outside…storms brewing. Legs painfully ache, rt ear hurts, muscles in back tingly achey sensation, hands swollen and achy, headache, throat hurts
2:29a- as the thunder & lightning increase my pain levels increase
11:34p- muscle tension pretty tense thru body, random twitching throughout, turniquet feeling on left leg returns, sore throat all day, exhausted, lethargic feeling, rt ear hurts, hands swollen and achy, shoulders tight, stinging needle sensation in back and center of chest
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