May 1
12:15a- hip pain & tailbone getting worse. Can’t get comfortable. Rt ear hurting.
7:00a- 2 Samuel 22:2-4
And he said, The Lord is my rock, and my fortress, and my deliverer; The God of my rock; in him will I trust: he is my shield, and the horn of my salvation, my high tower, and my refuge, my saviour; thou savest me from violence. I will call on the Lord, who is worthy to be praised: so shall I be saved from mine enemies.
No matter what circumstances you may be facing God is always worthy to be praised!
Woke to lower back and rt hip throbbing, lft hand and arm numb, rt ear hurts, sore throat, slight headache
9:10 a.m.- woohoo! Got new battery for my laptop computer speed is faster now. message when I turn computer on before battery is critically low
12:00p- attended funeral of veteran today. Quickest funeral I remember attending. Funeral attendees hurried us through bc they had another one scheduled right behind. Almost unable to give grieving widow my condolences. It kind of irritated me. A kind woman said she was glad to see I was doing better. I don’t even know how to respond bc I’m not better. It’s an invisible injury. I usually say I’m trying to work towards it.
3:00 struggling with accepting I’m not same person as before. Feels as if I expect too much and others do to. Feel like I’m mourning and that upsets me more makes me lash out unknowingly towards my husband. When he doesn’t know what’s going on it causes us to get in argument. I don’t know how to process it all nor do I know who to talk to.
4:00p- Chiro apt. My right sciatica is severely inflammed. Left lower leg severely bruised. Dr says numbness and pain is probably from pinched nerve. Should receive relief from adjustments. Need to try to walk more as I can endure. Given stretching exercises to do in am. Go back in a week. Dr says this is the hardest this is the hardezt thing I have to fight through. I need to accept that I won’t get better (meaning that I’ll never be the same as I was before).
7:00p- decided to talk things out with Joe about how I was feeling. Had good long talk. I guess I’m stuck in limbo. I need to learn to accept the new me but I’m not ready to give up fighting to overcome. What the neurologist suggested I do really hurt me. If I’m honest with myself it made me consider what ifs and that scares me because I never would’ve considered it before. How do you get over mourning the loss of one’s self when you’re still living? What’s the next step? How do I help others when I’m having hard time helping myself? It helped to talk things out. I feel little better about things.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-resilient-brain/201403/brain-injury-awareness-grieving-the-loss-self
May 2
4:44p – had to take Joe to work to use the car. Able to get Dezirae’s grades done for year and most of Jordon’s. Dezirae has all A’s. Yeah!
Called Dr’s bc my headache rx (Propranolol) hasn’t been filled yet and it’s been at least two weeks. Dr’s office was nice. Will get it taken care of.
Went to bargain thrift store to look for goodies. Joe msgd me that he’s getting off at noon instead. Jordon found an 18 speed bike for $15. He’s been wanting a bike. Dezirae found mirror for her room. I found some t-shirts for Joe. Found some nice gifts too. While shopping my back started throbbing, I needed to rest. Seats were all taken so I sat on cement floor for a while next to buggy. After resting, I was able to proceed.
Ran out of time. Have to drop bike off at home and go pick up Joe. Will stop at store to pick up few needed items after picking up Joe.
I am so hurting!!! I’ve done as much walking as I can today. Dezirae had to pull buggy to help guide me along. I need to rest but it won’t happen bc we need to leave for church. Joe needs to see if he can fix lawnmower.
Asked Dezirae to put linens in mission house. Discovered a whole colony of swarmer ants in kitchen. Ugh! I’m not up to this. Dezirae and I commence to cleaning up the kitchen. I so hurt!
Going to lay down in nursery for a bit before church. Tailbone is throbbing. Neck hurts. Headache. Fingers sting. Lft leg aches. Rt hip hurts.
Trouble falling to sleep. Back throbbing.
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